NO-FI MOVIE REVIEWZ FOR MARCH

RESIDENT EVIL
directed by Paul Anderson III, starring Milla Jovovich and a bunch of Zombies.

It took a long time to get this movie on the big screen. First George Romero was attached, but the powers-that-be decided that he needed a little more experience in zombie movies since he's only done like four so far. Fast forward to MIlla Jovovich playing Resident Evil 3: Nemesis with her little brother on the Playstation, and according to her she decided to get a Resident Evil film off the ground. She marched proudly to the film studio and met those same powers-that-be who informed her that they were already doing the film with the director of the first Mortal Kombat film. Now if she were a true Resident Evil fan, she would have blown their heads off with a magnum pistol and watched with glee as blood squirted into the air like a fountain of Big Red soda. Instead, she decided that her special power of being able to direct her little brother to find the red herb in the game and the power of the man who directed a film based on a video game that starred Christopher Lambert as an ancient Chinese god would be even greater if they worked together.

In the film (which is supposed to be a prequel to the video games), we get to see the original cause of the outbreak of the T-Virus which turns meat eating employees of the Umbrella Corporation into Cannibals and I suppose vegetarians into McDonalds' fries eaters. The computer controlling the facility knocks everyone out and locks them in to contain the virus.

Enter Milla who wakes up naked in a shower stall. This is probably a normal occurrence to most model/actresses. I hope you like to see Milla naked because she gets naked a lot in the film. Anyway I'll save you the details except that she finds herself in a very familiar mansion (fans of the games know what I'm talking about). Suddenly there are a lot of loud noises and she finds herself surrounded by special forces fellows (a couple of the fellows being ladies) with big guns who tell her that they have to do a bunch of hi-tech sciency stuff and she gets to go with them. Eventually we see zombies. We know they are zombies because they wear a lot of powder on their faces, wave their arms around, and don't talk about how great the American flag is. Later in the film our heroes meet up with the "Licker" (also from the video games) and have to deal with the computer which takes the form of an annoying little girl in hologram form.

Now I was all set to hate this film. I'm a big fan of the games myself and hearing that this film was going to have a computer who takes the form of a little girl and that the director directed Mortal Kombat...and did I mention that in that film Christopher Lambert plays an ancient Chinese god?!? Anyway, I actually liked this film. I even liked the directing...for the most part. You'd think that it would be easy to act like a zombie. You just moan, shuffle, sorta' just follow your hands and mouth, and act like you are trying to get out of the Hollywood Palladium after a big show. Somehow almost EVERY zombie actor tends to be a BAD zombie actor. The bad zombie make-up really doesn't help either. You know, all they had to do was open a book that showed what people really look like when they are dead. Even the zombies in the video games looked more realistic than they do in this film. Also the "Licker" looks like somebody didn't have time to finish the computer effects as it NEVER looks like its really in the same room with anybody. Oddly enough these two factors don't take away from the overall effect of the film which really does feel like the video game in it's running around from room to room puzzle solving action.

I recommend this film for anybody who is a big fan of the Resident Evil (or "Biohazard" if you are from Japan) game series. You can nitpick all the little things (oh, and I left out a few), but overall it's a fun movie and I look forward to the sequel already in development. Oh and there is a strong hint at a major character from the video games at the end so look out for it!