This film is a story right out of the headlines (if the only headlines you see are while waiting in line at the supermarket)! Foul mouthed big blue-headed aliens (of the Jewish faith for no known reason) with balloons for ears and know more four lettered words than your grandma are charged with the task of invading Earth to abuct and then impregnate it's women. Why this invasion only consists of two blue headed aliens in blue tights and silver shorts is beyond me (and probably the filmakers as well).

So the first thing you'll want to know about a major science fiction epic such as this is, of course, are there any jokes making fun of gay people? Why yes, young Timmy, you'll find more than a few jokes making fun of the "cursed ones" for your bastard little ears. But what do you expect from a film like this where it's hard to figure out if the balloons in the aliens' ears have more air in them than the heads of some of its actresses?

To be fair, this film does star Dyanne Thorne (star of the infamous Ilsa films) and Ed Wood muse Valda Hansen, both of whom turn in a pretty good performance. Scenes of the aliens walking down a crowded Hollywood Blvd are pretty amusing (especially when you think that this is basically a nudie picture and all the people we see walk up to and around the aliens probably never signed a release to be in this film.)

So the aliens find woman after woman in the midst of lovemaking, beam them to their ship, grow long insect-like tongues out of their face-holes and "pleasure" them for a few seconds before beaming them back to where they came from none-the-wiser. This was the element missing from E.T. that would have it the greatest film instead of just a great film. Now that I think of it, I think Spielberg digitally added a long insect-like tongue to E.T. in the "special" edition last year. I'll have to check when it comes out on DVD this year.

So while this film is no E.T. (I checked the box... It really isn't), it is what it is and it's a silly nudie pic that knows that it's little more than a porno without the real sex. Play this in the background at your next disco party. Just make sure that your friends aren't offended by boobies. Also, as with every DVD released by Something Weird Video, this DVD also comes with extra trailers by other Harry Novak produced films including "A Scream In The Streets" and "The Dirty Mind Of Young Sally." As well as the trailers, there are a couple shorts to keep your guests entertained if they actually stay when they realize that you are actually trying to have an actual disco party. The downside of this particular dvd is that there is no commentary by Harry Novak, the director, or even by any foul-mouthed blue aliens. Also it is presented in full screen instead of the slightly less-than full screen it was probably shot in. In any case, the picture is very clear as is the sound. Sadly this means you can hear every torturous note of it's disco theme song "You're My U.F.O. Romeo." But if you're expecting it, it hurts a little less.

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BAREFOOT GEN (HADASHI NO GEN)
directed by Mamoru Shinzaki, written by Kenji Nakazawa
Rated PG, 1983
DVD Reviewed By: Chris Beyond

Released in 1983, this film was based on the manga comic by Kenji Nakazawa inspired by his experiences growing up in Hiroshima during World War II. So I think you know what this movie is about if your history teacher actually taught you something rather than going on and on about stories about his or her own life and how they relate to history in some vague way... Oh, yeah, I'm sure you never had a teacher who did THAT.

Anyway this film starts by introducing us to Gen (pronounced "Gen" not "Jen") who is a young boy and his 5 year old brother who try to have fun even though there is a food shortage in Japan which is affecting everyone in town, especially their mother who is going to have another baby any day. While everyone is upset at America and their contant air-raids, their father is upset at Japan's government who he feels is making things worse than they should be. Anyway things start to get a little crazy when Gen and his brother decide to steal a fish from a neighbor's pond for their mom.

I wont spoil what happens there, but it's all just a prelude to the main point of the story. Gen is just walking down the street when, all of the sudden, the atomic bomb is dropped on Hiroshima. Gen somehow escapes the blast hitting him directly, but everything and everyone around him have been blown to bits. He goes back to his home to find his father,brother, and sister trapped in the wreackage unable to free themselves. Soon Gen is forced to fend for himself and his pregnant mother in a new post-atomic Japan. Along the way he experiences everything you can imagine due to the bomb and its after-effects. Pretty strong stuff. And it's all animated. Yep. It's Japanamation and part of me wants to say it isn't for kids, but I think it's fine for kids in the 6th grade or so. Check it out, but be prepared to get sad-faced. Better buy some jelly-bellys just in case.

Oh, one thing...this DVD doesn't have a lot in terms of extras. Pretty much just the trailer on this one. It's definitely worth a rental, but if you find it at around 12 bucks or under, it's worth a purchase.

(Chris Beyond is the editor/creator of No-Fi "Magazine" and thinks the scariest movies are movies where whole cities are destroyed! Yikes!)

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THE EROTIC ADVENTURES OF ZORRO
starring Douglas Frey, Bob Cresse, & Robyn Whitting
Unrated, Something Weird Video, 2001
DVD Reviewed By: Chris Beyond

Sometimes you see a movie and in your head you're thinking, "What is wrong with you movie? Get better movie! Bad! Movie, Bad!!" Thus is the world of many of the movies released on Something Weird Video...but that's usually the point!

As the tile suggests, this is an adult (not porn, just adult) version of the tale of the man who wears a black mask and vandalizes everything with a sloppy looking "Z". When Don Diego (who looks and sounds an awful lot like a thinner Joe Montana) returns from Spain, he finds that his people are being enslaved for random odd jobs and the ladies are being used for the terrible pleasures of the tormentors (one being sicko movie producer/actor Bob Cresse who you might have seen in "Love Camp 7" or "House On Bare Mountain"...or not).

Don Diego decides that the best way he can make things better is to ride into town on a donky clutching an umbrella with a bitchy attitude that would put most of West Hollywood to shame...seriously. If you decide to see this film beware of a lot of unfunny gay stereotypes.

Anyway, after countless sexual encounters, Don Diego aka "Zorro" decides that he should concentrate all his STDs onto Maria, the daughter of the man behind all the troubles in his town (well besides the director and producers; one of which being cult director/writer/producer David F. Friedman). A bunch of swords fling around, butts get Zs on them, good seems to win over evil, but that is debatable since this film was made in the first place. The box for this film describes the movie as being "the Naked Gun of Zorro flicks." I guess that is just as true as saying that it is the "Six Million Dollar Man of Zorro flicks" or the "E.T. of Zorro flicks."

Extras on the DVD include the trailer (and another trailer from a different film), Commentary by David Friedman (which I haven't listened to yet), a short subject, and the usual "gallery of Exploitation Art". Get this film for when you are feeling very jaded and very very bitter.

(Chris Beyond is the editor/creator of No-Fi "Magazine" and only wears black socks.)

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PANDORA PEAKS
starring Pandora Peaks, Tundi, & Candi Samples
directed/produced/written/edited/shot by Russ Meyer

Unrated, RM Films International, 2002
Video Reviewed By: Chris Beyond

It came from out of nowhere...well, we knew it was out there, but never really expected it to be released. (And believe it or not I myself was being considered to design the poster for a possible theatrical release of the film in question.) Well, here it is; "Pandora Peaks"... perhaps Russ Meyer's final pre-mortem opus. And it's either total trash or great genius...or...perhaps a sly combination of both. For those of you who aren't familiar with the name or works of Russ Meyer, he is without a doubt the greatest director/writer/editor/cinimatographer of all time (mind the slashes). His films have inspired filmakers from Fellini to Tarantino with most of his films like "Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls" (co-written by film critic Roger Ebert who Russ has called "a tit-man who loves food"), "Up!", "Good Morning And Goodbye" (my personal favorite), and, of course, "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!"

So after Russ finished what seemed to be his final film "Beneath The Valley Of The Ultravixens" in the 70s, (and after a false start on directing the aborted SEX PISTOLS movie "Who Killed Bambi?") he started work on his 8 hour epic which he titled "The Breast Of Russ Meyer"...a production that he has long talked about, but most people feel that he will never truely finish in his lifetime. In the meantime, in the mid to late eighties he shot footage of a few of his favorite models and a video for the band FASTER PUSYCAT.

Fast forward to the late nineties. Russ actually comes close to finishing the film he has created around two of the models he has shot. He names the film "Miss Pandora Peaks" after the name taken by the blonde star with the double H chest. Although the film bears her name, it shows almost as much footage of a model named Tundi. Both models are bleached blonde, but Tundi seems to have natural "talent" in an area where Pandora obviously needed lots of medical supervision. But anyone who know Russ Meyer's films knows that the size of the cast in his films isn't the true charm of his work.

Russ shows that he "still has it" in his newest film which runs a lot like his 60s film "Mondo Topless" (only with fewer models), with short quick cuts (no cut being longer than a few seconds), jumps to cityscapes, streetsigns, tape recorders, to jiggling flesh, to Russ shooting the scene and back to another city or sign and so on. But is the dialogue there? A trademark of all his films was the oddly smart narration and it is more than present here with voiceovers over the entire film from Pandora (speaking about her life and what it's like to have "real" breasts like her own (guh?), to Tundi (who I suspect was dubbed by Meyer star Ushii Digard), but mostly by Russ Meyer who gives us virtual history lessons on the towns in California and Germany where the scenes were shot. It is telling (especially in the end) that this film is called "Pandora Peaks" but in reality it is all about Russ, his love of his particular bouncy fetish, and his life and how he came to love filmmaking and making films showcasing the two things he loves most which lay below a woman's chin. It's a tough sit-through as it revisits the same themes over and over and over, but it's still rewarding in the end as you realize it was about him the whole time with Pandora being perhaps little more than one in a thousand muses over his lifetime.

So it goes without saying that if you are a fan of Russ' work, you must hunt down and get this movie. If you are not as familiar with his work I would suggest seeing any of the films I mentioned above first as they are a better introduction to what the bulk of his work is like. Plus the "boobs" in this film are much more frightening than any of the others you would see in his other films. Now all we can hope for is that Russ finishes his 8-hour epic by the end of next year so his life's collection will be complete. And somebody needs to sit him in front of a DVD machine and get him to put these things out on DVD (with commentary of course) before the bootleg market sells him under (and dvd bootlegs are turning up all the time now at conventions and on ebay). Keep making movies Russ! We loves ya!

(Chris Beyond is the editor/creator of No-Fi "Magazine" and gets to interview Kitten Natividad (star of many of Russ's films) this month!)

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