Hello, and welcome to the second installment of a new feature here at No-Fi "Magazine". Response to this little feature has been phenomenal. We've received tens upon tens of letters asking a variety of questions, ranging from soul-searching questions of our fundamental concepts of existence to directions to the nearest Starbucks. We present now the best, most compelling letters (that we are legally allowed to publish; No-Fi "Magazine", it's publishers, owners, editors, writers [including Jeff Roe] and pets take no responsibility for opinions stated in this feature). Anyway, once again, here is "Jeff Roe's World of Whimsical Wonder". Feel free to mail Jeff with your questions concerning love, sex, dating, and where to get a good deal on used catheters.
• From Kiesha:
My name is Kiesha and I am a striper and I would like to buy a sally rand fan. I 
am 5 foot 7 and I am a dancer also I am learning so I would like to know where I can buy this fan if you could tell me the price.
thank you Kiesha
I will be doing my first strip show in september this year and I would like a Big Sally Rand fan.
Dear Keisha,
Burlesque dance has enjoyed a resurgence of popularity in the last few years. The Exotic World compitition is but one example of this popularity. Since there are so many people with the same interest, it should not be too difficult to find someone on-line who can help you with this, and any other questions you may have about Sally Rand or her fans. A good place to start would be the Miss Exotic World website, www.exoticworldusa.org. But, just out of curiousity, what exactly do you stripe, and what does it have to do with Sally Rand and dancing. The obvious guess would be barberpoles, or perhaps to disguise black cats as skunks. Please write back and let me know.
• From Gabe:
dear jeff.
I have a friend, also named jeff, who is terrified of clowns, i didn't know how bad it was til last night when we saw a clown and he totally freaked out. of 
course we forced him to take a picture of the clown (picture available on request). but what can i do? i fear not being able to go certain places with him because we might see clowns.
-Gabe
Dear "Gabe"
The fear of clowns is one that has haunted society since the dawn of the iron age. Where do they come from? What do they want? No one knows for sure, and perhaps that is one reason we fear them. When I write "we", I mean "we." One fact that will help "Jeff" begin to cope with his fear is that he is not alone. Any sane person has to wonder why a grown person would hide behind a mask of greasepaint and fright wigs in order to spend time with little kids. "Jeff", I'm going to write just for you now, okay? Now, doesn't knowing that you're not alone make you feel just a little better? There are others you can talk to about this, including your friend "Gabe." Okay, back to the group. Now "Gabe", it's obvious that you care deeply for your friend, and you want to help him, but this will take some sacrifice from you. Fear comes from the unknown, so you'll need to make the unknown a bit more familiar to "Jeff." That's right, I'm asking you to dress like a clown to help your friend. As "Jeff" tries to reconcile the dichotomy of his good friend "Gabe" inhabiting the same person as Bozo the Clown, he will have to confront his fear, and then the healing can begin. But if it doesn't, you can always use the clown outfit to jump out of bushes to scare "Jeff." Either way, take lots of pictures and send them my way.
• From Eli:
Hi. I have a delicate bowel. Can you tell me what effect, if any, beef jerky can have on my bowels and bowel movements? What about being married to a drummer?
Dear "Eli"
Excellent query, young sir. Of course, we're all concerned with the effects of beef jerky on our bowels (unless you're a vegetarian, but you don't really count, do you?). Well, let's finally put some urban myths to rest. Beef jerky is a horrible, horrible curse to inflict on your precious, precious bowel. It is a dangerous and destructive force on our economy, our society, and our children. But as terrible as beef jerky is, being married to a drummer is even scarier. If you ever want to have a normal, healthy bowel movement, my advice is to get a divorce, and fast.
Any more questions? Bring it on. Jeff's ready for you. WRITE HIM and ask away! Do you have problems with the opposite sex? The same sex? Your own sex? Lack of sex? Too much? Roommate troubles? Health concerns? Ask Mr. Roe and if he doesn't know the answer, he'll at least make something up that sounds halfway good (or not). All Photos taken by Chris Beyond at Exotic World, Helendale, CA, 2003
