I don't "do" the love thing. Words like love, romance and cupid may as well be in a foreign language for all that I understand them. Now words such as lust, infatuation and crush are in languages that I can speak fluently and with great ease. I have never been in love. I have been in lust and infatuated many, many times. Recently I posted a survey on one of the many dotcoms that I am a member of, and I asked 5 simple questions about "love." 122 people responded 98 men and 24 women. Here were the questions, and the results.
1- Have you ever been in love?GUYS:
"Yes" - 90
"No" - 8
GALS:
"Yes" - 16
"No" - 8
2- Have you ever had a threesome?
GUYS:
"Yes" - 58
"No" - 36
GALS:
"Yes" - 20
"No" - 4
3- Do nice guys/gals really finish last?
GUYS:
"Yes" - 74
"No" - 24
GALS:
"Yes" - 6
"No" - 18
4- What is your preferred mode of intercourse?
GUYS:
"Sex" - 14
"Fucking" - 34
"Making Love" - 46
GALS:
"Sex" - 2
"Fucking" - 18
"Making Love" - 4
5-Where would you rather "do it"?GUYS:
"Car" - 18
"Bus" - 22
"Limo" - 48
"Austin Mini" - 6
GALS:
"Car" - 2
"Bus" - 6
"Limo" - 12
"Austin Mini" - 4
Now after seeing those answers, a few questions popped into my head.
1. Who is more full of shit? Men or women?
2. What the hell is wrong with an Austin Mini?
3. Aside from the few virgins who answered the same way that I have, why have I never been in love?
I can understand men saying that they’d choose making love over fucking because it makes them seem more sincere. Maybe women chose fucking over making love because their carnal needs are not being fulfilled. I cannot speak for all women, but I chose fucking over the other two for a couple of simple reasons. I don’t like sex, I call it vanilla sex, bland, ok if there isn’t anything else around, but not thoroughly exciting. I have never been in love before so picking making love would be an out and out lie.
No matter how many times I have tried to go the slow passionate route during doing “the deed,” something vulgar, crass and animalistic takes over. Or so I have been told.When I read about teenagers being in love, I want to laugh. They’re fifteen years old, they don’t even know who they are yet how can they possibly be in love? Now if they responded with “in lust,” I would agree heartily, pat them on the back and smile all the live long day.
But such is not the case. This being Valentine’s Day month everyone is hooked on the love trip. Our Christmas trees and lights have not even been taken down and we are already being subjected to the likes of V-Day paraphernalia everywhere. I was in a casino restroom last week, and there was pretty t.p. with little red hearts all
over it. I found it much too appealing to the eye to want to wipe my little coochie with, so I opted for the “wet ones” I had in my purse.From greeting cards to napkins, pillowcases to underwear, V-Day is everywhere. Next to Hallowe’en and New Years Eve, it is the holiday which packs them in at the bars the most. Around closing time February13th, men and women alike scramble to find someone tolerable to take home so they do not have to face the next morning alone.
A few years ago me and a few friends went to the night clubs the day before V-Day just to see how many different pick up lines we would be subjected to. I lost count after thirty different/similar approaches.
Around closing time that evening, the night club resembled Christmas Eve in the shopping malls. Men and women rushed around frantically, searching for that special someone to play a good game of coyote ugly with the next morning.
I have never understood the need to be in a relationship like that. I have never been one of those people, last minute shoppers for a date of the opposite sex. I know it’s great to cuddle with someone special, but geez, get a dog, a cat,
something. I prefer the single life. I’m young and I want to experience as many different people, places and cultures before (and this also means IF) I settle down. I want everyone to “send me a ticket” so that I can learn about their lives, and write about my experiences with them. I will definitely be going into more detail about my views on life and love, and a fun little article about manipulation is in the works. So keep smiling, loving and for god’s sake people, try to enjoy yourself. This is "Pixie" signing off wishing you all the best in this V-Day month. Muah!!!
