"Ancient Klingon Proverb,...you know."

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SPECIAL REPORT:
"Revenge Movies: Three Good Ones and Why"
filed by Ryan Lies

This is probably the most infamous of the three I am talking about here. We all know this movie, whether we’ve seen it or not. Who could forget that lurid, big-box cover that sat on the shelves of every video store you and I went into back in the day?

While this is not the first revenge flick ever made, nor is it one of the best, it’s certainly one of the rawest and most brutal. No one gets through this one without wincing, or at least muttering “Oh my god …” once or twice.

A young woman moves into a rural home and is pretty much gang-raped by a group of rednecks and their simpleton friend for the first 45 minutes of the movie. I’ve never actually counted how long the rape scene goes on for, but it seems like forever. Once she has recovered and cleaned herself up, she gets medieval on the asses of the scum who brutalized her.

The bathtub scene is the worst, just so you know. I’ve never shown that part to anyone (guy or girl) who doesn’t cringe. One wonders if Ms. Bobbit saw this flick around the time she was plotting to teach Mr. Bobbit his lesson. Damn! Even thinking about it now I’m shivering.

Funny thing about this movie is, it’s been accused of being misogynistic and yet I’ve shown it to a lot of chicks who really dig it. They actually cheer the heroine on. I don’t blame them. The guys she hacks and chops up deserve everything they get. Hell, I think they deserve even more. My one issue with I Spit is that (bathtub scene aside) it’s not nearly as sadistic as its reputation would have you believe. At least I don’t think so. I mean, it’s extremely rough, but I kinda wish it’d been rougher.

There was a movie released last year called Irreversible, which someone described to me as I Spit on Your Grave meets Memento. I have yet to see it, but I hear that the rape scene in that one is ten times as harder to set through.

So anyway, I’m not saying this movie’s fun or entertaining in any way. I’m not condoning it’s actions or the ideals it espouses. Uh...yeah, it’s really a...bad movie, bad bad bad...but...uh...I can’t lie to you. It kicks ass in it’s own sick and wrong sorta way. Just enter at your own risk.

A couple years later Abel Ferrara made Ms. 45, my personal favorite revenge flick. Like I Spit its plot is simple: a young, mute woman is raped twice in one day and during the second rape she kills her attacker and chops him up in her bathtub, disposing of his parts in various trash receptacles throughout NYC; unable to control her newfound bloodlust, she goes Charles Bronson on the miscreants and rapists of her fair city, taking ‘em out with a .45 and hardly a smirk. In fact, this chick is the coldest cold-blooded killer I’ve ever seen.

As her thirst for vigilante justice grows, she becomes sexier and bolder. The film culminates with a shootout at a costume party where our heroine is dressed as a nun. Youch! It’s one of the hottest moments in film history.

This flick is really primitive and it just oozes sleaze. Its ideals are base and ugly. But damn if it’s not totally perfect! The music is awful and just right … New York has never looked less inviting (gotta love that pre-Guilliani Times Square so wonderfully captured in early 80’s movies!) The lead actress, Zoe Tamerlis, is incredibly hot and looks so yummy taking out icky bad guys with her little black cock of death. (Yeah, I’m reaching for symbolism there … you know, the rapists getting raped back and all that. I’m sure this movie doesn’t go that deep. Besides, it’s a sweet metaphor.)

Ms. 45 is one of the best exploitation movies EVER. Although I can’t promise you won’t feel like showering afterwards.

This is another down n’ dirty indie exploitation flick, not for the squeamish, not for the easily offended. Variety described this movie as “What would happen if Charles Manson met Rambo …” and they pretty much got it right on the nose.

A Vietnam vet returns home in the hopes of recapturing the peace and serenity of his former life, along with rekindling an old flame. However, shortly after arriving, a crazed cult kidnaps his woman and kills her grandfather. Naturally, you can assume what comes next.

The cult leader is played by Sam Raimi, and the story was co-written by Bruce Campbell, so this movie has developed a cult following over the years based largely on the Evil Dead connection. But it stands on its own fairly well. It’s not as accomplished a movie as Evil Dead but what it lacks in originality it makes up for with balls-to-the-wall blood & guts action.

It starts a little slow but heats up when the vet and his buddies gear up Commando style and march into the midst of the cult and lay waste to every bad guy in their path (look for Ted Raimi!), sometimes in very creative ways.

Thou Shalt is low-low budget and it really shows. Especially during an extended flashback scene that’s supposed to take place in Vietnam. It actually resembles rural farmland in northern Michigan (believe me, I know) … but who cares? It’s the thought that counts, right?

Other than that, once things get going, this rips along, gleefully spilling blood. Again, as is usually the case, these bad guys totally deserve what they get and it’s a twisted sick joy seeing ‘em get it.

There’s also some great dialogue along the way. Listen for this: “I am Jesus Christ.” “No you’re not … you’re dead.” BANG BANG!!! Awesome.

Anchor Bay has a swell DVD of this out with Bruce Campbell and director Josh Becker commentary. There’s even liner notes explaining the title. Personally, I love the title


There are plenty of other great vigilante/revenge flicks out there that I adore (Commando, Conan the Barbarian, Coffy, The Crow) but these are three good examples of how extreme the sub-subgenre can actually get. None of these are your typical watered-down, ultra-PC, Hollywood crap. They are small movies that kick big ass.

When you go to the video store, tell ‘em I sent ya.

Dear sweet Jeebus, it's The Killbillies. First off let me say since this the "Revenge Issue", The Killbillies have already had their revenge on me and you wouldn't even know it unless I told you.

This is actually the 2ND time that I've written this review...in a way the 3rd even. After having written a summary/review for a certain cable channel that I'm helping select movies to run on (long story), I wrote a review 2 nights ago for No-Fi. After the end of the review I tried to save my work and suddenly FREEZE! The computer crashed on me. So that was "there" so let's get to "here".

I guess The Killibillies is about a feud between two hillbilly families, the M'coys and the Lowborns. Two M'coys are send out to kill the Lowborns. Zombies are implied to be involved. I don't believe it, but there are a lot of things passing for zombies these days.

This film was made in Australia and with the exception of Young Einstein most of the films I've seen from there have been pretty good. Thank you The Killbillies for sadly setting me straight on this.

Ok, I'll start off with a few good things...the rockabilly soundtrack actually is the best thing about this film. If there was a bad song in the bunch, I missed it. Second best thing is the costumes, the creepy Boojie Boy-like masks on a couple nearly identical characters and the bloody bedsheet costume on another is pretty chilly...if only they were being used in a better film. Perhaps instead of thinking of toilet humor level jokes, they should have watched Mother's Day and tried to made a scary movie instead.

Oh yeah, this film is in letterbox so we don't miss anything. That makes total sense as it was shot on video and all. One character looks like my friend James so that ought to count for something...oh, wait, it TOTALLY DOESN'T!

So, yeah, this isn't a good movie, but maybe their next one'll be better. As I always say if you have to see a bad movie, pick this one over the big budget one. At least you'll feel better knowing that you're watching a movie where somebody didn't spend 3 million dollars on fake snow alone like a certain recent big budget abortion.

They Call Her One Eye is another one of those brutal films involving the violation and humiliation of the female lead that end up with her coming after the ones who wronged her, but it is also very different and doesn't seem to pull any punches from even the moral character of the lead herself.

Before I go on, I should tell you that I have not seen a translated version of this film, neither dubbed or subtitled. I rented this film not realizing that the only copy that this store had was totally in its original Scandinavian and since this film is rare anyway, I went ahead and watched it despite this and you know what? It didn't even matter.

Part of the reason for this is that the lead character, played by, has been mute ever since she was raped by a homeless man as a child. The film starts by implying this violent act and then cuts to the present (in the 70s, that is) where I think she leaves home after an argument with her parents. A smooth character picks her up at a bus stop and takes her to his place where he drugs her, and while she sleeps over several days, he gets her body hooked on heroin. When she finally awakes, he tells her that in order to get the drug that her body is aching for, she needs to prostitute herself out for him. When she rebels and scratches the face of her first client, "Smoothy" (as I'll call him here since I couldn't catch what is name was) takes a scalpel to her eye and in a very realistic close-up shot from the side, he inserts the blade into her eye and cuts it out.

She makes one friend at the house of prostitution and submits to the life forced on her, but when she finds out her parents have died and her friend killed (or has killed herself), it forces her to try to take her life back into her hands.

What follows is a nightmarish montage of her everyday life which involves her having sex with clients both male and female (the woman beats her too), taking heroin, and then training in Karate, Guns, and how to drive. What was completely a suprise to me was that there was footage of penetration in the sex scenes. I had no idea and it wasn't shot in a very flattering way either. Instead it emphisized the act as a violation rather than titilation.

I should stop here as you know what these kind of stories lead to anyway. The film itself is very stylish and I could tell, had I seen a better copy, that the colors were very vibrant. Her outfit matching eye patches are very provocative and (it has been said) it's very obvious that her character was a big influence on Daryl Hannah's character in Kill Bill. Seeing "One Eye" walking up to her tormenters, now victims, in her trenchcoat and sawed off shotgun is filmed in a style closer to ballet than other revenge movies at the time. The slow motion in one seen actually makes the impact seem stronger than it would had it been shot in normal speed. One could say that it is possible that even John Woo may have seen this film and been influenced in some way.

So I could say a lot more about this film, but I'll let you judge for yourself. The film is hard to watch at times and while it may not be as wrentching as I Spit On Your Grave or have the faster pace of more modern films, this one takes the now old idea of rape and revenge films and branches it into a whole other style that others could only wish they could match...or would never dare to attempt. I've heard rumors that a DVD release might make it to the US, but it may be a long while off. If you do find a copy, make sure you warn anyone you would watch it wth about the sex scenes. I warned Holly-tron and she ended up enjoying it so there you go.

(Chris Beyond created No-Fi "Magazine" and avoids looking into sharp tips.)

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• •• Reviews From April 2004 •• •

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Big Fish
starring Ewan McGregor, Helena Bonham Carter, directed by Tim Burton, Color, , 2003
Distributed by Columbia Tristar
Video Reviewed By: Ryan Lies

Big Fish might be my favorite movie of last year. It’s been reviewed to death since opening nationally so I don’t want to ramble on and on about it. I just want to let everyone out there know that this is one very special film, from one of my personal heroes, and maybe one of the greatest directors to ever grace the artform.

Tim Burton more than makes up for that abyssal Planet of the Apes remake. Or whatever they called it. He made a ton of money off it, and thank God, because then he was able to go and make this superlative, abundantly rewarding film.

A cynical son (Billy Crudup) returns home to see his dying father (Albert Finney), who he’s been estranged for years due to growing tired of listening to his father’s ubiquitous tall tales. He returns home to reconcile and perhaps finally hear the truth from his father’s mouth; to perhaps finally learn who his father really is.

What unfolds is on of the most imaginative, moving films in a long. Needless to say, since it’s a Tim Burton film, we are treated to visualizations of all of Finney’s tall tales, and they are constantly engaging, never trite or overly sentimental.

I don’t know … I love Tim Burton (except for Planet of the Apes, and I totally like the second Batman better than the first). So I’m biased. Even though Return of the King more than deserved the Oscar this year, I think Big Fish deserved a nomination, if not several. And while I won’t go as far as saying this is Burton’s best film ever (that title easily goes to Ed Wood) I will say it is ONE of his very best.

This was originally reviewed when it was in theatres. So you can imagine that the DVD has all sorts of cool extras (as one would hope).

So catch it now. Buy or rent it on DVD. Don’t miss out. You’ll love the two hours you spent in Burton’s world.

(Ryan Lies is a staffwriter for No-Fi "Magazine" and gets lost in whimsy.)

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Kill Bill Vol. 2
starring Uma Thurman, David Carradine, directed by Quentin Tarantino, Color, , 2004
Distributed by Legasy
Video Reviewed By: Ryan Lies

I could go on and on about this movie. My friends have heard me do it. But by the time you read what I’m writing here, you’ll no doubt have read a hundred or so other reviews by more prominent critics, praising this film.

Bottom line: Kill Bill, Vol. 2 is pure genius. From frame one, to the end credits roll, this is one of the best films … well, hell, I could break it down and say BEST FILM (so far) OF 2004 … or ONE OF THE BEST FILMS OF THE PAST TEN YEARS … or ONE OF THE BEST FILMS EVER. What difference does it make? This movie rocks. And it rocks because Vol. 1 also rocks. As one long film, Kill Bill is a masterpiece.

So far this year, I’ve been blown away by three very different flicks: The Passion Of The Christ, Dawn Of The Dead and now this one. They could just not release any other movies at all this year and I would be satiated. But I’m weird like that. For all know, Van Helsing will blow the rest of ‘em outta the cinematic water. Sure.

Anyway, Vol. 2 picks up with The Bride (Uma) telling us about the carnage she has wrought in the last film, about the damage she has planned for Bill (Carradine) in this film. Then we flash back to the wedding only intimated in the first volume. We meet her groom to be, we meet Bill for the first time … and then we see the slaughter that brought about the entire saga to begin with.

From there on, it doesn’t let up. I don’t want to confuse you, though. Vol. 2 is NOT the same kinda movie Vol. 1 was. Vol. 2 is more character driven, more dialogue heavy … and it’s all the richer a film for it. Some may find the pacing this time around a little languid; after all, how can you top the House of the Blue Leaves massacre? But just go with it. Enjoy the richness of the plot, the intricacies of the dialogue. Relish the intensity of the Bride’s relationship to Bill. In fact, my favorite moments in the film come towards the end (and I’m not really giving away anything here) when The Bride is reunited with Bill and the daughter she thought was dead. It begins as one of Tarantino’s most innocuous, yet heartfelt sequences, and culminates with one of the most satisfying, and strangely romantic sequences I have ever seen.

Trust me … this film may be quieter than its predecessor in terms of action and bloodletting, but emotionally it SCREAMS. Tarantino proves he can pretty much write anything he sets his mind to and actually pull it off on screen. All hyperbole aside, the dude’s a genius. He really is. He’s the geek all geeks should aspire too.

Highlights include an extremely nerve-jangling buried-alive sequence that would make Lucio Fulci proud, a wonderfully campy send up of kung-fu films featuring Gordon Liu in what should be an Oscar nominated performance (even though Tarantino dubs his voice), THE cat-fight to end all cat-fights (squishy!), Michael Madsen’s boss at the strip club and Michael Parks as Esteban (maybe the BEST supporting character performance since Dean Stockwell in Blue Velvet), and not to mention some absolute knock-out acting from Thurman and Carradine (this might be the best work either of them has done – I know, I know I love Death Race 2000, too, but just wait until you see this!)

Either way, I don’t want to spoil everything. See it for yourself. Watch ‘em back to back. This is a four-hour long exploitation, grindhouse flick, folks, and we’ll probably never seen anything like it again. I don’t WANT to see anything like it again. This needs to stand alone. So far, this may be Tarantino’s masterwork.

Rumor has it that eventually a four and a HALF hour “grindhouse” cut will be surfacing on DVD. Praise the Lord and bring it!