"Movies To Talk To Your Dumb Friends About..."

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Colossus: the Forbin Project
starring Eric Braeden, Susan Clark, directed by Joseph Sargent, Color, , 1970
Distributed by Universal Pictures
Film Reviewed By: Ryan Lies

God bless 1970’s SF flicks and God bless Cold War paranoia! When they meet it’s a happy movie geek!

Colussus has to be one of the best damn SF movies I have ever seen. I had often seen the box sitting on the shelves and the video store, or stills from it in various books, but had never picked it up and actually watched it. Now I have and I wonder how I ever got along without it.

A brilliant man named Dr. Charles Forbin creates a super computer to control all of America’s defenses. Shortly after debuting this super electronic bodyguard to the country, Colussus discovers that the Russians have built a supercomputer also.

No big deal … until the two computers start conversing, and they realize that these pesky humans are really necessary.

This is when the action heats up, but it’s action of the cerebral kind. You’d think that a movie about a scientist talking to a computer would be boring, but oh man, would you ever be wrong! This movie’s so damn tense that I get chills just thinking about it.

This was an obvious inspiration for Wargames, that other great Cold War computer flick. And maybe it even inspired Electric Dreams. You remember Electric Dreams? Come on, I know you do.

I can’t really such much more because I love this one so much I don’t want to ruin anything or disgust you with my hyperbole. If you find it at the video store, check it out, especially if you dig on 70s SF flicks. If they don’t have it at the video store, tell ‘em Ryan Lies said they better get it! Now!

Short review for a kick ass movie. Gotta love it.

(Ryan Lies is a No-Fi Staffwriter and talks to computers with his fingers.)

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The Day After Tomorrow
starring Jake Gyllenhal, Dennis Quaid, directed by Roland Emmerich, Color, , 2004
Distributed by 20th Century Fox
Film Reviewed By: Ryan Lies

I didn’t expect much going into this one, even after seeing the super-cool trailer. While I found the images of millions of birds fleeing over the city, or New York drowning in a massive tidal-wave completely stunning and eerie, once I saw who the director was, I automatically knew what to expect. In a bad way.

Truth is, I gave up on Roland Emmerich movies after Stargate and Independence Day got me all hot & bothered in their trailers and then left me cold & indifferent in theaters. Which is, oddly enough, how I was able to superficially enjoy his stupid, insipid Godzilla “reimagining” (well, the monster parts, anyway – the “plot” parts were pretty much unwatchable.) Not saying I thought it was a good flick, I’m just saying I was able to check out and enjoy it easier because at this point if it said Emmerich on it, I just didn’t care.

And while we’re on this digression here, I’ll admit I liked The Patriot, his follow-up to Godzilla. It’s a pretty darn good flick. Watching Mel Gibson go apeshit on those sanctimonious Red Coats was fun. And that cannonball-decapitation … SWEET!

But anyway...The trailers for Emmerich’s movies promise so much, but unlike Spielberg, Cameron, or even Irwin Allen, he doesn’t have the talent as a writer or director to really pull me in. He’s too reliant on the way-past-its-time novelty fun of CG FX and cliché-ridden drama to do anything with the “characters” that populate his disaster/SF scenarios. He can paint a pretty picture with his camera and a few billion pixels, but beneath it all, it’s just paint-by-numbers. His movies are so vapid that to call them “fluff” would be to imply they actually contain some kind of content. Not so. (Save for The Patriot, but from this point on, I’m not counting that one.)

This time around, Emmerich constructs a story inspired by theories about global warming and what it will do to Mother Earth when things heat up too much. Ice caps melt, tidal-waves flood NYC, tornados wipe out LA … etc etc. For the first hour, this movie’s not all that bad, if you ignore the character development that gets in the way of the destruction. I’ll admit, some of the images creeped me out. But once New York is flooded and the ocean water begins to freeze, things just get real boring … fast. See, there’s this “story” being told amongst all the carnage and mayhem, some lame, seen-it-a-hundred-times tripe about a father going to rescue his son. Cuz, well, see, prior to the storm of the millennium, said father and son didn’t get along very well, so this catastrophic act of God gives them a chance to reconcile, plus save what little vestiges of humanity there are left in this new world.

Yeah, whatever. While I completely appreciate filmmakers trying to incorporate riveting human drama into an epic, sci-fi framework, Emmerich just can’t pull it off. I felt no pathos or urgency for these people. They were just figures moving through special FX, occasionally spouting lines about “survival” and “humanity” and “what is the meaning of life.” All noble topics and concerns, don’t get me wrong. But in incompetent hands, these subjects are just plain boring.

Let Spielberg or Cameron do a flick like this and I’m sure it would kick total ass. But next time I see old Roland’s name attached to something like this, I’m gonna care even less that I already do.

On a side note, this movie was “inspired” by a book called The Coming Global Superstorm by Art Bell and Whitley Strieber, two people I admire greatly. I listen to Art Bell’s radio show religiously. If you’re not familiar with it, I highly recommend it. Just google Art Bell and find a station near you. On his show you will hear more about the subjects addressed in The Day After Tomorrow (among MANY other things), only this time you’ll find them interesting.

There have been about a billion and a half Emanuelle films made since Sylvia Kristel first steamed up the screens in the 1974, but supposedly this particular “chapter” in the “saga” has been one of the most notorious and sought-after titles.

I don’t get it, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t like it. In fact, this movie held a certain inexpressible, sleazy charm over me. Maybe I was just so impressed by the fact there used to be a day and age when these kinds of movies played big screen in actual theaters, instead of being shot on video and rushed into Best Buy days after they’re completed. Or, you know, I really thought the actress who played Emanuelle (Laura Gemser) was pretty effing hot. Or maybe I was just sleepy and didn’t really care.

Anyway, I wasn’t allowed to watch anything stronger than PG-13 when I was younger, so I often got my exploitation film fix at my buddy’s house, cuz he had cable and his parents didn’t monitor what we watched. We spent many a Friday night sifting through grainy, violent police thrillers, blood soaked slasher flicks and Animal House rip-off boob-a-thons … which would eventually lead to the REAL goods: Cinemax After Dark. Softcore epics with gauzy soft-focus cameras lingering over poorly-dubbed, simulated sex in exotic locations. Melody In Love, Liz, Lady Chatterly’s Lover … and about a billion and a half Emanuelle movies (even back then there seemed to be a never-ending stock of these “epics.”)

I got my hands on REAL porn several years later (and I actually “got” with a girl) and these flicks just didn’t cut it any more. Hardly watchable in the first place, they were saved by taunting our young minds with flesh and gentle moaning amongst sun-dappled palm trees. Now you go back and watch them and you just fast forward (even past the sex stuff, cuz brothers and sisters, it’s just somnambulistic at best.)

Which brings me to Emanuelle In America. This one got its reputation because not only did it have lots of staged rutting, it also featured a subplot involving snuff films. So, tangentially, it had some appeal to horror/cult fans. And, admittedly, the snuff parts are the only time this movie really gets interesting.

Emanuelle is a beautiful, fearless investigative journalist who goes on libidinous adventures all around the globe. On one such adventure she uncovers evidence of a snuff film ring and takes it upon herself to expose the truth. And boy is this stuff brutal! Even I was moderately shocked by the snuff footage. I know it’s fake, but damn if it doesn’t fool you for just a minute there! What these filmmakers accomplish wouldn’t look out of place on Ogrish or Rotten dot coms (or hell, even CNN nowadays.)

Not saying I was necessarily entertained by it, but it at least brought the movie to life, albeit briefly. See, there’s the problem: the actual “plot” doesn’t even get going until about an hour and twenty minutes in, give or take. Once the snuff ring is discovered, the movie speeds to a quick wrap-up and conclusion and then sends your out the door with an insipid denouement. So really, the snuff stuff encompasses about thirty minutes of the movie, if that. The rest is all Emanuelle walking around pretty places watching pretty people play doctor.

Along the way you’ll see a woman “playing” with her horse, sex in a church, some tepid softcore sex AND some tepid HARDCORE sex (yeah, yeah, they actually show penetration, big deal) … accompanied by a great, funky kinky score that’s better than the movie it’s incorporated into. And then there’s the half hour of brutal torture and death.

Maybe I shouldn’t have said above that I liked the movie. Maybe what I mean is, I appreciate it PARTS of it for what it is and therefore feel it deserves a place in my collection of cult/exploitation films … but only as a curiosity really.

If you dig this stuff, and a lot of movie geeks do, then by all means, this DVD is the bee’s knees. An interview with the late director Joe D’Amato (who also made the stunningly awful yet brilliantly hilarious Troll 2), an audio interview with Gemser and a text essay called the Unofficial Emanuelle Phenomenon, which I actually read all the way through and was quite enlightened by.

Even if you’re just casually interested, like me, then this isn’t the worst DVD you could have. God knows I’ve watched and bought (and still own) worse. It hasn’t its moments, and the soundtrack, which is featured on the menu pages, is pretty good stuff. I would actually buy it on CD if I ever found it.

So again I find myself unable to really tell you which way to go, one way or the other. It’s one of those movies that has its own place and time and following so who am I to say. I’m just telling you my impressions, which are, at best, indifferent

So here's something that was sent to Quin which ended up in my hands and it's not very suprising that Quin wasn't very excited about it.

If you want to get all fancy you can say that Night Of The Cat was a modern (for 1993) take on the Cat People story. If you want to be honest, this is litle more than a fetish video for those people who find cats with human female anotomy erotic. The plot consists of the lead actress crawling around the floor nude in painted on cat make-up while stalking her roommate who, in the end, turns out to be a cat-woman too. The film ends with both nude women rolling around the floor with each other. The end. Umm... What the hell? Where was the story, the horror, the pathos? Well, crap.Oh, that's it..CRAP. Yes, yes, this is fine crap. I don't think it was really a film for us though. The end result of this video comes off as a Playboy Playmate video.

One thing that was interesting is that this film came from the creators of Draculina Magazine. I've never looked through that magazine, which I took to be a B-Movie actress magazine, but I've seen it at music stores and conventions. I dunno. I'm being too nice to this film already. Seriously, this is a weird weird video. The cat make-up is really bad and I found this funny website by the director of the film who, besides showing off his great typing skills, says that we was inspired to paint this nude woman after going to see cats with his daughter. See for yourself. Weird weird world we live in. Still this might make for funny background viewing

I've seen this one in video stores and since it has a really bad cover, I never gave it a second thought until I happened upon the film's website and actually watched the entire film there. Of course this wasn't the greatest way of watching the film since it was so tiny in the realplayer screen. So when I got this to review, I was happy that I would get a chance to watch it on a television screen.

Even in Realplayer, I liked this film and it looks even better (as if I even need to say) on DVD. This is a goofy take on the old Frankenstein story obviously, with the twist being that a record company hires a doctor to piece together a rock star that they can control from "rejuvenated" body parts taken from the most famous rock stars of the last 40 years. When Dr Frank Stein's assistant Iggy accidently destroys Jim Morrisson's penis and replaces it with Liberace's "lil piano player" wackiness and sexual frustration ensue after the success of their new monster which all lead to a series of murders when the rock and roll monster can't bring himself to have sex with women.

I don't want to tell you too much about this film as it is an independent production and a simple story pretty much. What I will say is that it is a much better movie than you would think from looking at the cover. The story is goofy and filled with all sorts of "gay" and penis jokes, but the actors and their characters are pretty likable (especially the actors playing Frank, "King" and Iggy...that's like half the cast!). The camerawork is nice and the writing and direction are much better than the average straight to video, make that DVD, flick. I actually would like to see what these people do next. Hopefully it'll be even better. One warning though to fans of Passion Of The Christ... Christ does have an appearance in this film, but you may not not like him in the priest scene. The DVD includes some nice extras like commentary and trailers. Get this one for a night when you'd normally just be sitting around watching TV.

(Chris Beyond is the creator of No-Fi "Magazine" and its servant as well.)

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Shaun Of The Dead
starring Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Kate Ashfield, directed by Edgar Wright, Color, , 2004
Distributed by Rogue Pictures
Film Reviewed By: Ryan Lies

This is, by far, the super coolest, bad-assiest movie of the year! Not only is it the best horror film of 2004, or the best comedy of 2004, it’s the best horror-comedy in just about forever! Great comedic horror films are few and far between (Evil Dead 2, Ghostbusters, The Raven, Return of the Living Dead, Friday the 13th Part 5: the New Beginning) but this one earns its place right up among the best of ‘em.

A huge hit in the UK, this flick has yet to hit American shores, save for a scattered few festival showings and, of course, the bootleg market, but when this one does make it here, see it as soon as you can. We need to flock to this movie and give Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright our money. They deserve it.

Shaun tells the story of a down on his luck, but wholly well-intentioned dolt named, well, Shaun. He’s having the requisite trouble at work, with his roommates (one funny but slovenly, the other a serious stick in the mud – and, naturally, both hate each other) and his lovely but despondent girlfriend (who loves him but is tired of his forgetfulness and immaturity.) And, if that wasn’t enough for one poor sap to deal with, there just do happens to be a plague of zombies overtaking his quiet little town.

At first, Shaun is oblivious to the encroachment of undead, lending the film some of its funniest moments (it’s amazing how similar drunk people and zombies really are), but once he and his roommate Ed are attacked he dons the role of reluctant hero, rushing to save his mom, his estranged girlfriend, and the entire city!

There’s plenty of gooey gore along the way along with enough piss-your-pants jokes that you almost miss stuff cuz you’re laughing so damn hard. Look for several in-jokes that play wonderful homage to past zombie classics like Night of the Living Dead and Evil Dead (yeah, yeah I know, I don’t actually consider Evil Dead a “zombie” movie, either, but whatever. I’m letting these guys get away with it.)

The script is pure genius. The way they slowly build the zombie attack is brilliant! As the story begins and unfolds, we just catch glimpses of images on passing television sets, or out of focus behind characters going about their business on the sidewalk. At one point we see an army convoy speed by but Shaun is too preoccupied by his own consternation to really notice.

But what really sells the flick is the fact that the main characters are so well drawn that you can’t help but fall for ‘em, and emotionally involve yourself in their plight. Some of the supporting characters aren’t as fleshed out, but they don’t really need to be. The focus here is on Shaun, and his roommate Ed. And I can’t think of two other characters in recent memory that were more fun to spend my time with. The performances and dialogue are just pitch-perfect (even in the lesser sculpted characters). Look for a cameo by Paltrow-beau and COLDPLAY frontman Chris Martin.

This movie hits barely a false note, and manages to balance its comedic and horrific moments nearly perfectly. And both work splendidly. Just when you catch your breath from laughing something truly freaky or gory happens, and vice versa.

See this one as soon as you can. And if you happen to see it for free your first time around (like I did) please, please, please rush to the theater and throw some money at these guys the next time you see it (as I plan to do, at least a couple times.)

This is the movie horror fans, and more specifically zombie fans have been waiting for: a spoof that pokes fun without condescending to its source material, and actually manages to be just as scary as its source material at the same time. No easy feat, that.

I can’t wait to see what these blokes come up with next.

(Ryan Lies is a No-Fi Staffwriter and fights zombies with the best of them.)

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Trick Or Treat
starring Marc Price, Lisa Orgolini, Gene Simmons, Ozzy, directed by Charles Martin Smith, Color, , 1986
Distributed by Platinum Disc Corp
DVD Reviewed By: Ryan Lies

I just now finally got around to watching this movie, but the POSTER for this one has been glued to my mind’s eye for nearly two decades now. Who of us that came of (geek) age in 80’s could forget the fine piece of exploitive, marketing art that heralded this teen demon-possession flick? The screaming heavy metal dude, rocking out on his guitar, surrounded by the flaming eyes and mouth of a smiling jack-o-lantern! And that tag line that read “What are you afraid of? It’s only rock & roll.”

Super cool, man. I remember being in 7th grade and seeing the ad for this one on television and thinking that it looked like it might be the greatest movie ever made. Back then I was WAY into hair bands, especially POISON, and this movie tapped right into that. Then, when I saw the poster I was completely enamored.

Ironically, I never actually got around to ever seeing the movie. My parents wouldn’t let me see this kind of stuff when I was young, so if I wasn’t able to see it at a friend-with-cable’s house, or sneak a VHS tape home from said friend, then I just never got to see it. (Unless it ran on network TV, with all the good stuff edited out, but what network would run this puppy?)

So the years went on and on and I never got the satanic image of that wailing heavy metal man and his chortling, flaming pumpkin out of my head, even though the urgency to watch the actual flick waned and waned. So now, almost twenty years later … well, thank God for bargain-bin DVDs!

Some friend of mine snatched this up for about three bucks at a Target, didn’t want it, and decided to give it to me. So now I finally get around to watching it. And what’s the verdict?

Awesome! Now, it’s probably only great because it’s an 80s relic. It’s heavy metal proselytizing and leather-n-chains rebellion chic doesn’t quite inspire fist-pumping the way it might’ve in 1986 (or, as it would’ve to a dorky 7th grader like I was), so you have to go into it with a sense of nostalgia.

The plot’s pretty simple (and actually would’ve fit right in with last month’s Revenge issue – damn me to hell …) Eddie, a shat-upon rock ‘n’ roll nerd (played by Marc Price, whom most of you know as Skippy from Family Ties AND the star of Killer Tomatoes Eat France!), receives the last known recording of his idol, Ozzy-wannabe Sammi Curr, who recently perished in a hotel fire. When the record is played backwards it gives Eddie instructions on how to exact revenge on those who would do him wrong. Eddie goes along for the ride at first, but once things start to “heat up,” he begins to realize that this may be more than he bargained for.

The flick moves along at a brisk pace and Sammi Curr is a completely ridiculous villain. He’s first seen on TV biting the head off of a snake and dousing himself in the blood. It’s obvious that this film was playing on the hyperbolized and now-laughably erroneous heavy metal hysteria and stereotypes of the mid-80’s (backwards masking, Ozzy’s theatrical hijinks, Satanic possession, etc.) and that’s pretty much what makes this such a hoot. Not much new here, it’s pretty standard teen horror fare. But director Charles Martin Smith (the be-spectacled uber-nerd of such favorites as Starman, The Untouchables and American Graffiti) injects enough sick humor and flair into the goings-on that it never gets boring.

Gene Simmons and Ozzy Osbourne supply neat little cameos, and some now-forgotten metal band called FASTWAY delivers some good cheesy tunes for the soundtrack. And there’s one death scene involving a crispy corpse that’s worth the price of admission. The DVD has nothing on it, but who cares? It’s only 3 bucks. Strangely enough it doesn’t feature any of the original artwork, which is a shame cuz that poster’s one of the classics. Maybe Anchor Bay will get their hands on this and give it a better treatment. Also, as an added oddity, the back of the DVD features behind-the-scenes makeup and FX production stills and two scenes from the movie.
Kids nowadays might zone out, but any of us born before 1979 should find this a pleasant kick in the head. Hell, it might even make you get out those old Ratt and Whitesnake tapes, throw on some lipstick and black lace and party like grunge never happened!

As AUTOGRAPH said, “Turn up … the RADIO!!!”

This is probably the most infamous of the three I am talking about here. We all know this movie, whether we’ve seen it or not. Who could forget that lurid, big-box cover that sat on the shelves of every video store you and I went into back in the day?

While this is not the first revenge flick ever made, nor is it one of the best, it’s certainly one of the rawest and most brutal. No one gets through this one without wincing, or at least muttering “Oh my god …” once or twice.

A young woman moves into a rural home and is pretty much gang-raped by a group of rednecks and their simpleton friend for the first 45 minutes of the movie. I’ve never actually counted how long the rape scene goes on for, but it seems like forever. Once she has recovered and cleaned herself up, she gets medieval on the asses of the scum who brutalized her.

The bathtub scene is the worst, just so you know. I’ve never shown that part to anyone (guy or girl) who doesn’t cringe. One wonders if Ms. Bobbit saw this flick around the time she was plotting to teach Mr. Bobbit his lesson. Damn! Even thinking about it now I’m shivering.

Funny thing about this movie is, it’s been accused of being misogynistic and yet I’ve shown it to a lot of chicks who really dig it. They actually cheer the heroine on. I don’t blame them. The guys she hacks and chops up deserve everything they get. Hell, I think they deserve even more. My one issue with I Spit is that (bathtub scene aside) it’s not nearly as sadistic as its reputation would have you believe. At least I don’t think so. I mean, it’s extremely rough, but I kinda wish it’d been rougher.

There was a movie released last year called Irreversible, which someone described to me as I Spit on Your Grave meets Memento. I have yet to see it, but I hear that the rape scene in that one is ten times as harder to set through.

So anyway, I’m not saying this movie’s fun or entertaining in any way. I’m not condoning it’s actions or the ideals it espouses. Uh...yeah, it’s really a...bad movie, bad bad bad...but...uh...I can’t lie to you. It kicks ass in it’s own sick and wrong sorta way. Just enter at your own risk.

A couple years later Abel Ferrara made Ms. 45, my personal favorite revenge flick. Like I Spit its plot is simple: a young, mute woman is raped twice in one day and during the second rape she kills her attacker and chops him up in her bathtub, disposing of his parts in various trash receptacles throughout NYC; unable to control her newfound bloodlust, she goes Charles Bronson on the miscreants and rapists of her fair city, taking ‘em out with a .45 and hardly a smirk. In fact, this chick is the coldest cold-blooded killer I’ve ever seen.

As her thirst for vigilante justice grows, she becomes sexier and bolder. The film culminates with a shootout at a costume party where our heroine is dressed as a nun. Youch! It’s one of the hottest moments in film history.

This flick is really primitive and it just oozes sleaze. Its ideals are base and ugly. But damn if it’s not totally perfect! The music is awful and just right … New York has never looked less inviting (gotta love that pre-Guilliani Times Square so wonderfully captured in early 80’s movies!) The lead actress, Zoe Tamerlis, is incredibly hot and looks so yummy taking out icky bad guys with her little black cock of death. (Yeah, I’m reaching for symbolism there … you know, the rapists getting raped back and all that. I’m sure this movie doesn’t go that deep. Besides, it’s a sweet metaphor.)

Ms. 45 is one of the best exploitation movies EVER. Although I can’t promise you won’t feel like showering afterwards.

This is another down n’ dirty indie exploitation flick, not for the squeamish, not for the easily offended. Variety described this movie as “What would happen if Charles Manson met Rambo …” and they pretty much got it right on the nose.

A Vietnam vet returns home in the hopes of recapturing the peace and serenity of his former life, along with rekindling an old flame. However, shortly after arriving, a crazed cult kidnaps his woman and kills her grandfather. Naturally, you can assume what comes next.

The cult leader is played by Sam Raimi, and the story was co-written by Bruce Campbell, so this movie has developed a cult following over the years based largely on the Evil Dead connection. But it stands on its own fairly well. It’s not as accomplished a movie as Evil Dead but what it lacks in originality it makes up for with balls-to-the-wall blood & guts action.

It starts a little slow but heats up when the vet and his buddies gear up Commando style and march into the midst of the cult and lay waste to every bad guy in their path (look for Ted Raimi!), sometimes in very creative ways.

Thou Shalt is low-low budget and it really shows. Especially during an extended flashback scene that’s supposed to take place in Vietnam. It actually resembles rural farmland in northern Michigan (believe me, I know) … but who cares? It’s the thought that counts, right?

Other than that, once things get going, this rips along, gleefully spilling blood. Again, as is usually the case, these bad guys totally deserve what they get and it’s a twisted sick joy seeing ‘em get it.

There’s also some great dialogue along the way. Listen for this: “I am Jesus Christ.” “No you’re not … you’re dead.” BANG BANG!!! Awesome.

Anchor Bay has a swell DVD of this out with Bruce Campbell and director Josh Becker commentary. There’s even liner notes explaining the title. Personally, I love the title


There are plenty of other great vigilante/revenge flicks out there that I adore (Commando, Conan the Barbarian, Coffy, The Crow) but these are three good examples of how extreme the sub-subgenre can actually get. None of these are your typical watered-down, ultra-PC, Hollywood crap. They are small movies that kick big ass.

When you go to the video store, tell ‘em I sent ya.

Dear sweet Jeebus, it's The Killbillies. First off let me say since this the "Revenge Issue", The Killbillies have already had their revenge on me and you wouldn't even know it unless I told you.

This is actually the 2ND time that I've written this review...in a way the 3rd even. After having written a summary/review for a certain cable channel that I'm helping select movies to run on (long story), I wrote a review 2 nights ago for No-Fi. After the end of the review I tried to save my work and suddenly FREEZE! The computer crashed on me. So that was "there" so let's get to "here".

I guess The Killibillies is about a feud between two hillbilly families, the M'coys and the Lowborns. Two M'coys are send out to kill the Lowborns. Zombies are implied to be involved. I don't believe it, but there are a lot of things passing for zombies these days.

This film was made in Australia and with the exception of Young Einstein most of the films I've seen from there have been pretty good. Thank you The Killbillies for sadly setting me straight on this.

Ok, I'll start off with a few good things...the rockabilly soundtrack actually is the best thing about this film. If there was a bad song in the bunch, I missed it. Second best thing is the costumes, the creepy Boojie Boy-like masks on a couple nearly identical characters and the bloody bedsheet costume on another is pretty chilly...if only they were being used in a better film. Perhaps instead of thinking of toilet humor level jokes, they should have watched Mother's Day and tried to made a scary movie instead.

Oh yeah, this film is in letterbox so we don't miss anything. That makes total sense as it was shot on video and all. One character looks like my friend James so that ought to count for something...oh, wait, it TOTALLY DOESN'T!

So, yeah, this isn't a good movie, but maybe their next one'll be better. As I always say if you have to see a bad movie, pick this one over the big budget one. At least you'll feel better knowing that you're watching a movie where somebody didn't spend 3 million dollars on fake snow alone like a certain recent big budget abortion.

They Call Her One Eye is another one of those brutal films involving the violation and humiliation of the female lead that end up with her coming after the ones who wronged her, but it is also very different and doesn't seem to pull any punches from even the moral character of the lead herself.

Before I go on, I should tell you that I have not seen a translated version of this film, neither dubbed or subtitled. I rented this film not realizing that the only copy that this store had was totally in its original Scandinavian and since this film is rare anyway, I went ahead and watched it despite this and you know what? It didn't even matter.

Part of the reason for this is that the lead character, played by, has been mute ever since she was raped by a homeless man as a child. The film starts by implying this violent act and then cuts to the present (in the 70s, that is) where I think she leaves home after an argument with her parents. A smooth character picks her up at a bus stop and takes her to his place where he drugs her, and while she sleeps over several days, he gets her body hooked on heroin. When she finally awakes, he tells her that in order to get the drug that her body is aching for, she needs to prostitute herself out for him. When she rebels and scratches the face of her first client, "Smoothy" (as I'll call him here since I couldn't catch what is name was) takes a scalpel to her eye and in a very realistic close-up shot from the side, he inserts the blade into her eye and cuts it out.

She makes one friend at the house of prostitution and submits to the life forced on her, but when she finds out her parents have died and her friend killed (or has killed herself), it forces her to try to take her life back into her hands.

What follows is a nightmarish montage of her everyday life which involves her having sex with clients both male and female (the woman beats her too), taking heroin, and then training in Karate, Guns, and how to drive. What was completely a suprise to me was that there was footage of penetration in the sex scenes. I had no idea and it wasn't shot in a very flattering way either. Instead it emphisized the act as a violation rather than titilation.

I should stop here as you know what these kind of stories lead to anyway. The film itself is very stylish and I could tell, had I seen a better copy, that the colors were very vibrant. Her outfit matching eye patches are very provocative and (it has been said) it's very obvious that her character was a big influence on Daryl Hannah's character in Kill Bill. Seeing "One Eye" walking up to her tormenters, now victims, in her trenchcoat and sawed off shotgun is filmed in a style closer to ballet than other revenge movies at the time. The slow motion in one seen actually makes the impact seem stronger than it would had it been shot in normal speed. One could say that it is possible that even John Woo may have seen this film and been influenced in some way.

So I could say a lot more about this film, but I'll let you judge for yourself. The film is hard to watch at times and while it may not be as wrentching as I Spit On Your Grave or have the faster pace of more modern films, this one takes the now old idea of rape and revenge films and branches it into a whole other style that others could only wish they could match...or would never dare to attempt. I've heard rumors that a DVD release might make it to the US, but it may be a long while off. If you do find a copy, make sure you warn anyone you would watch it wth about the sex scenes. I warned Holly-tron and she ended up enjoying it so there you go.