NO-FI "MAGAZINE"
presents
"Once a Nerd, Always a Nerd?"
by pamela lay, september 2004
When I was in high school there were so many different social groups. There were the geeks, freaks, nerds, dweebs, jocks, drama clubbbers, skaters, head-bangers, potheads, socially endowed and the socially inept. The first year I was one of those who followed the popular kids around. I was accepted per se into their social circle, but only on the fringes. This was not fun. I learned quickly how evil kids can truly be. Besides the fact that I was a Jehovah's Witness and I was not allowed to associate with anyone other than other "Jo Ho's" I was always on the outskirts of all of the "fun". Fun meant getting high on pot and dropping acid after school. Fun meant gossiping with the other girls and chasing boys. It also meant getting good grades because then the other kid's parents would want their children to associate with me. I learned very quickly that if one of the cool kids was mad at you, then the whole cookie-cutter clan would soon follow.
By my second year of high school I was becoming a fast learner. I learned that by befriending at least one person from almost every social group in the existing pyramid of the social standing in school I could remain up my social status and at least I would have friends everywhere. I befriended one of the drama kids, a few of the skaters, some of the potheads and dated a couple of the jocks. I was able to blend in easily with all of them and this year around I was on the fringes of their various social circles because I chose to, not because someone else laid those rules out for me. I carried on that way of thinking past high school and into my own life all of the time. I made sure that I had friends in different social circles and I learned that you don't have to be involved with every person of every group and that if you miss a "fabulous" party because you're busy doing something that others may deem not as cool, it is okay.
I have a few rules that I have put together, just things that have really helped me in my own lifeŠnothing stolen from Cosmo, or any of the other fluff redone, overdone well-cooked magazines that are out there. It is basically a survival guide for a good social life. If there are things that don't work for you: DO NOT DO THEM! But at least try them out before you knock the ideas down. I may not be in high school anymore but my self-esteem balloon still needs a bit of inflating every once in a while.
1- VOLUNTEER. By volunteering you get to meet new people of all ages, and you are doing something very worthy and it will make you feel good. A few years ago I volunteered for a local coffee shop at a skate jam in my old hometown. I met a lot of fucking cool people and I was able to bring a bottle of Baileys and mix it in with some of the adult's frappucinos. We had a good time out in the sun, I saw some amazing skaters and was involved in a nice community event.
2- PICK A HOBBY. They are great. Pick up a new hobby. Whether it be collecting stamps, sewing, knitting, spinning fire, making costumes, performing spoken word poetry. It does not matter. I have found so many people in the burningman community who amaze me constantly. They do so many things. It is not weird at all for them to run off and play with their hula hoops and get together for potlucks etc. They all seem to have at least 1 thing that they can do, a hobby, a passion if you will.
3- PICK UP THE PHONE. Sometimes people do not have the time to call you, or maybe they need a friendly reminder that you exist. This is especially important with new acquaintances. If you get someone's e-mail and you say you will e-mail them, do it! If they don't e-mail you back at least you tried and you won't get the reputation of being someone who does not do what they say that they will.
4- GET TO KNOW YOURSELF. There is nothing sexier than someone who is comfortable in their own skin. There used to be times when I would be sitting around worrying that I was not going to make it to all of the things I wanted to do, when I had already worked 40 hours straight and I should have just gone to bed. THE WORLD WILL NOT END IF YOU STAY HOME ONCE IN A WHILE! I have learned that making a list of the things I have to do along with the things I would like to do is a very good thing to do. This creates balance.
5- LOVE YOURSELF. I am not saying that shy people are not good people or that all stuck up, high on themselves beyotches should be praised for loving their modelesque perfect body and flaunting it skin that they are in, while looking down upon us not so blessed human beings- NO! I am saying that having a self-confident attitude will make you more approachable to other people.
Well I would like to say that I have more. I do actually, but I am off to the desert. I just finished sewing an orange skirt with red and blue fun fur stars on them, I am going to meet my 50 something year old co-worker for coffee and them come home and make some beaded necklaces after work.
Am I nerdy? Maybe. Am I loving myself and my life? You bet!!!!
Pamela Lay is a contributing writer for No-Fi "Magazine" and is this issue's "Nrrrd Of The Month"
