Just two questions this month, but at least now we can finally present this month's letters to Jeff Roe. No-Fi "Magazine", it's publishers, owners, editors, writers [including Jeff Roe] and pets take no responsibility for opinions stated in this feature). Once again, here is "Jeff Roe's World of Whimsical Wonder". Feel free to mail Jeff with your questions concerning love, sex, vampire bats, or all three...
* from "Pumpkin Pie"
What do you do when you're not sure if the one you're with (and have been with for 4 years) is really the one? What if you met someone who REALLY made you question that... what do you do???
signed, "Pumpkin Pie"
Dear "Pumpkin Pie"
(if that is your real name, which I doubt. Because it's stupid.),
This concern of yours is common among the human species, as it reflects the fact that it is in man's nature to want what it cannot have. I cannot tell you how you truly feel about this person you've been with for 4 years (for brevity's sake, we'll just call him or her "Ballchain"). But perhaps I can help you with your quest for spiritual/horny fulfillment. Here are some questions for you. Perhaps your answers will point you in the right direction.
1. How well do you know this new person (for brevity's sake we'll call him or her "Temptress")?
2. If you had sex with Temptress once, do you think you'd be as interested in him or her the next day?
3. Does the thought of spending the rest of your life (or the next ten years) with Ballchain keep you up at night in a cold sweat, feeling like the world is closing in on you, like the dreams and limitless possibilities of your 
youth are left to fester in days gone by, and that the choices you've made, even if they're not the worst possibilities, don't seem to live up to that promise, turning Ballchain into a walking testament of your perceived failures and shut doors of oppurtunity, leading you to resent him or her and seek to sabotage your relationship by fixating on another and assigning to her all of the traits that appeal to you but find lacking in Ballchain in the hope that Ballchain will notice your lack of interest in him or her and break up with you, giving you the freedom you want with none of the guilt?
I hope your answers to these questions will point you in the right direction.
* from "Lookin' for Love"
Dear Jeff,
I recently went out on a date with a handsome and finely-built gentleman whom I met at the gym. I'm gay, and this pick-up took place at 24 Hr. Fitness in WeHo, if this paints a better picture for you.
Not only did he ask for my number at the gym, but then actually called me! So we met at a dive bar in Koreatown. We played pool and enjoyed light and fun conversation then at the bar. I asked him how old he was, and he avoided the question. I tried to weave it in again, by asking when he was in college, and he caught me at my game. He said "I don't tell anyone my age, end of discussion".
Now, I don't really CARE how old he is. I assumed he was a few years older than me, which would be early 30's. BUT, if he hides it so dearly, perhaps he's older than I thought.
More than the issue of his age, I found myself a bit concerned and annoyed by the fact that he already had a secret from me on THE FIRST DATE. Should I see him again, or assume he'll only be keeping more secrets?
~ Lookin' for Love
As someone who hides his age for no good reason other than to be obstinate, I can relate to your would-be paramour. I do it because it adds an air of mystery (or pretension) and it's an easy way to be a jerk. However, my reasons are almost certainly in the minority, and BoyToy, as I'll choose to call him, probably has different reasons. It's not likely to be over-secrecy as you suspect. Rather, it's probably because he's vain and embarrassed about his age. Now, whether it's vanity or secrecy, is that a good reason to hide your age? What does that say about a person? How great can such a guy be? How many rhetorical questions can I stuff into a response to someone else's question? Who knows? Do you? Does anybody? If You're really interested in the guy, don't play games. Just ask him straight out what his age is, and if he won't tell you, ask why, and if he won't tell you, there's your answer. You can let it go or move on to some other pick-up at the gay gym.
That's it for now. We were a little light on questions this month, so send us a bunch for our next issue!
"e-mail jeff with your questions about anything...
