the No-Fi "interview" with
conducted by chris beyond, 2005
I first heard 8-BIT when they sent me their debut CD in a nifty folded ninja star, not unlike one you would make in junior high. Since then and our review, we've been playing them like crazy on No-Fi "Radio". We keep hearing rumors that they'll send us their "Orange" album, but we've yet to receive it. 8-BIT's sound can best be described as alien gangsta rap overlayed on top of music you'd hear out of your old Nintendo Entertainment System.
It took some time to get this interview done. Most of the robots in 8-BIT were offworld preparing for their upcoming tour or in the case of Anti-Log, at the Nascar races. It seemed hopeless that my questions would be transmitted to the band (and getting my questions answered by their manager only at first was a little weird). But just when I was about to give up and go back in time Superman style to erase the past, the answers came in and I couldn't be happier. Ok, well, I could...but that has nothing to do with this interview.
A = Anti-Log (8-BIT Robot)
L = Le-Frost (8-BIT Robot)
S = Spacey-K (8-BIT Robot)
R = Robo-T (8-BIT Robot)
T = There-e-Mang (8-BIT creator and manager)
C = Chris Beyond (no-fi's creator and its eventual destroyer)
C: What is the secret origin of 8-BIT:
R & L: We came from the Digital Planet.
S: We were created by There-e-Mang when we landed on earth from primitive household machines. Then he introduced us to alcohol and taught us how to rap.
A: 8-BIT started as baby robots and grew to full grown robots.
T: It was a planet far away consisting of robots functioning in semi-harmony. then the analog revolution and a planetary war came. we fought till the bitter end but had to leave when both sides launched massive weapons attacks destroying our home.
C: Now that you're getting a lot of press attention, has anyone asked you if you plan to make the jump to 16 bit or 64 bit? If not, what would you're answer be?
R: I've already though about stealing the Grand Theft Auto San Andreas theme music.
L: No, cause then we would have to change our name.
S: “Can I bum a smoke”
A: I don't like when people ask me things.
T: Yeah, we've gotten that before. We played shows without Le-Frost so they were calling us 6-bit. When they ask I usually just tell them to suck my dick.
C: Do you remember the first video game you've ever played?
R: I believe it was one of those handheld football games. Where you are a red dot trying get past all these other red dots.
L: I can't remember the first video game I ever played, but Ice Climber was my all time favorite!!
S: Joust
A: I've never played a video game
T: Probably Pac-Man or Centipede
C: Have you spoken to any of the developers of the games you've rapped about or were inspired by?
R: Yeah, I once got really drunk with Koji Kondo while in japan. we got in an argument about whose version of "Zelda" was better and decided to have a drinking contest to resolve the issue. I won, since no human can keep up with a robots drinking capacity. he turned all red and passed out after the 4th drink.
L: No. (responding to Robo-T's answer) But I did heard about the chemical that asians lack, when they drink. Slang for it is the "asian glow"
S: No, but I wish I knew the guy that did the soundtrack for Rygar
A: We met Jim Cuomo in Paris. He did some OG music for games.
T: He wrote the music for 'Defender Of The Crown.'
C: So what's the story behind the big boss fight you had in a club recently?
R: Ask Anti-Log... that's the 4th club that we are banned from in L.A.
S: Anti-log tells this one best
T: we were at the echo playing and doing our thing. anti-log was out in the crowd and some guy was flipping him off. someone told anti-log about it and pointed the guy out. Anti-log asked if the guy had something to say...in the middle of a song...and the guy stuck his middle finger in the robots grill. Anti-Log bitch slapped him with a left and walked away cause his verse was up next.
A: I don't really know what happened cause I was drunk and couldn't really see. I guess I smacked a guy, somehow punched a girl on accident, two guys from The Mormons started leveling guys, and the club pulled the plug on the show. Something like that.
T: One of the guy's friends punched Anti-Log in the head but he didn't feel it so he kept on rapping. One of the members of The Mormons saw what happened and decked the guy knocking him cold on his ass. Rumor has it that the guys teeth got broken and cost several thousand dollars to repair. So a melee broke out and one point three guys were kicking and punching Anti-Log. a different guy from The Mormons came over and proceeded to pick guys off one at a time with headlocks and uppercuts. Security rushed everyone out and both Mormons were bloody though neither of them were cut. Anti-Log was jumped by three guys and didn't take any damage at all. he was completely unmarked. fucking pussies.
L: Be warned . If you go to an 8- BIT Show, you too might get into a brawl!!!
C: Were you at E-3 (the Electronic Entertainment Expo) this year?
R: No, I was too busy. I had a job smuggling drugs and illegal aliens across the border at the time.. It paid too well to pass up.
L: I was too busy getting my dick sucked. Even though I don't really have one.
S: Doesn't that have something to do with video games?
A: We were banned because we aren't virgins.
T: We weren't invited. we were in fucking the re-debut of Nintendo Power that they were shopping around at E-3 but we didn't get an invite. I think they are afraid of us.
C: If there was an 8-BIT band video game (kinda like how JOURNEY had one in the 80s), what kind of game would it be and how would you win the game?
R: It would definitely involve killing a lot of humans.. whoever dies from alcoholism first wins!
L: It would consist of humans sucking robotic dicks and whoever can suck the most wins.
S: The cartridge probably wouldn't work.
A: It would be trying to wake up and get a cup of coffee at the Mudpuppy before it closes.
T: Maybe it would be something like... you start out sober and you have to pick out the lyrics to the songs as they are being played while trying to maintain the ghetto dance moves. you start out in some shitty club and you play for rednecks. as the levels advance in difficulty you drink and do more drugs and its harder to do your shit. Like you are chemically challenged. and depending on your performance you can get better clubs and more blowjobs. Maybe add the drinking and drug effect into the blowjob part of the game. like track and field (remember that game?) you have to hit the buttons really fast to maintain your boner. There would also be a sidebar sequence where a fight breaks out at a show and you gotta beat the hell out of a dumbass in the crowd like hockey. Eventually you get either get a nice house and lots of ho's and cash or you OD in the process, something like that.
C: Who is your favorite video game monkey?
S: Toki
A: Le-Frost
T: Donkey Kong Jr.
R: There was a rumor of a NES game that you could rent from the 'adult' section. I don't believe it exists but I've heard there's lots of monkeys in it.
L: I don't have one. I like all monkeys.
C: Have you ever held a monkey?
S: A human?
R: No, but I'm close personal friends with the ‘monkey man’ of India.
L: No, but when i have enough money some day, I will buy one.
A: No. Monkeys play with themselves and jerk off a lot.
T: I'm heavily petting mine right now.
C: So when is your NEW album coming out?
A: At this rate, never. Shows and tour are slowing down the works.
L: I have no clue. I think in August or some shit.
S: Supposedly around August. It's going to have a lot of songs.
R: In August our first distributed CD will be released. It's basically the best tracks off our first 2 albums plus three new tracks.
T: Fuck if i know. It's supposed to be nationally distributed so the people that never heard us can get a nut busted in their ear and get them up to speed.
C: Do you ever play online games?
S: Nope
A: No.
L: Hell Naw. Video games are for dorks!
R: Not yet. We're waiting for GTA Online.
T: We are old school and we put our genitalia to use so we don't have time for that shit.
C: Who are some of your favorite local bands?
R: EGO PLUM.
L: NINJA ACADEMY, THE MORMONS, VIOLENT VICKI, a lot more I just can't think right now. I just smoked a big ass blunt.
S: MORMONS, MIDWAY, NINJA ACADEMY...
A: Any band that ever played with a person that once lived at the house on La Tona. GUNS BOOKS & TOOLS, BRATTY & JACKASS, SACCHARINE TRUST, FRONT B.C., MONTE CARLO 76, THE WEDDINGS OFF, and about 500 other bands that are related to them.
T: the big three are THE MORMONS, THE BOLIDES, NINJA ACADEMY. If we ever make real cash and secure distribution we are going to sign all three of those bands and they can keep every dime they make. It will be a costume-band coalition. There are a shitload of bands that we love and are great friends with so I feel kind of on the spot with this. Some of the greatest people in the goddamn world are in cool ass bands in LA. MIDWAY, 8-BIT WEAPON, THE PENFIFTEEN CLUB, THE MONOLATORS, THE SHARP EASE, shit I could list like 200 more bands. don't bitch at me cause you weren't mentioned. I can even see straight from drinking and its barely 9pm.
C: After remixing a couple of his songs, are you best friends forever with Beck? Will you go on tour with him? Go to the beach? Go on tour? Share secrets with him that you would share with no one else?
R: Well he is a human...
L: Well Beck and I go way back. He took me out for tacos last night.
S: Yeah, we hang out everyday... but he's always bumming cigarettes from me and it gets old.
T: We shoot up with Beck all the time now. He is shooting up Robo-T right now. He is probably real busy and stuff cause he just dropped a huge album and has a family. We would go on tour with him but we haven't been asked. We may tour with beck by bringing a generator and playing parking lot shows as the opening to the opener. We don't go to the beach. Sand and robots don't mix well. We share all of our secrets with everyone. We don't give a fuck about hiding things.
A: We talked to him for a couple minutes when we gave him the tracks. That's the only interaction we've ever had. His keyboard player once came to one of our shows and was really nice.
C: If you were playing a dating sim and the cute wide eyed anime girl said that she loved lucky charms, but all you had to offer her was a turtle shell and a magic mirror. What would you do?
L: Are you on drugs?
S: Jerk off in the mirror with the turtle shell
R: I'd tell her my robotic cock was a lucky charm and tell her to start sucking.
A: I'd probably be mean to her and she'd wind up calling every day to make sure im eating and sleeping.
T: Rape her.
C: If you were playing a show in any of our readers' home towns, are there any cheat codes they could use while in the audience?
T: Yeah, put your tongue in your cheek so the robots can see it and you will magically get a dick in your mouth.
R: There is a self destruct code.. The only way to get it is to beat -1 in Super Mario Bros..
S: A-B-A-C-A-B-B...Blood on
A: The people in the crowd shouldn't do any cheating. We don't want to have to brawl with rednecks cause their girlfriends caught an STD from a robot.
C: Worst video game ever and why?
R: Dr. Jekyl And Mr. Hyde was horrible. If you've played it you know why...
L: The Bass NES game. It's really boring.
S: Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle. That game is shit.
A: Turok Evolutions. The jumping controls are really lame. Hey Le-Frost, leave Super Black Bass alone!!!
T: Its the worst and best game at the same time. Its called Exodus for the 8-Bit NES. It's a Christian video game where you defeat heathens by throwing the words of god at them. Its really weird, its like something the Flanders kids would play or something...
C: What are your final words of wisdom for our no-fi readers?
R: Buy our shit.
S: Buy all of our merchandise
A: If you come to our house, feel free to clean.
T: Work and school aren't important. Suicide is always there for you. Drugs and alcohol will get you everywhere in life. Also, answer every question by mentioning dicks and sucking them.
L: Beware of the robots. They are NOT your friend, but they might let you suck their dicks and smoke them out.
So their transmission ended and here I am, yet again, transcribing the evidence for your reading pleasure. 8-BIT will be on tour very soon and quite possibly in your own town (as they sy - check your local club listings). Their new album is expected out at the end of the summer, but you can always pick up the other two at their official website:www.ninjastarrecords.com. You can also hear their original music backing up Beck on the Hell Yes E.P. in the song "Ghettochip Malfunction". It's the best thing to happen to Beck since he discovered alien ghosts were inhabiting his body.
ThE EnD
