And obviously things are running very very late.

I've been waiting to be in the right "dark" mood to write this intro which is why it is so late. The only problem is that A.) I'm not gothic and don't have a false darkness surrounding me. Sure I prefer gray skies and wear lots of black and love a lot of the goth bands I used to listen to in and after high school. I was even in a goth band for about two minutes, but I've never really been "gothic". Punk...nerd..."riot nrrrd"...sure.

B.) Whenever I'm in a sore mood I'm either not by a computer or just doing something more important. (I can't very well do this at work, right?) And believe me there has been a LOT to be sore about. As you may know from reading last issue's intro, I had a bad month...well a bad couple months. My aunt Mary died, my friend Pandora died, my car was broken into. Not so fun.

So what's disturbing? Frankly most everything is these days. The UK had Gary Glitter and we have Michael Jackson (Ok, well the UK has him too). Who would have thought that anyone would have problems with young boys sleeping over in an older stranger's bed? Turns out that this woman who knew that there aware plenty of controversies surrounding MJ's sex life and would gladly let her sons sleep with Michael and drink his

decided that maybe it WASN'T such a good thing to allegedly let Michael wanna be startin' somethin' with her kids. Thing is we ALL knew for the last 10 years that Michael isn't the most ideal baby-sitter. And yet on my recent visit to Vegas, I saw a large woman dragging her 2 year old, wearing a black hat and single rhinestoned glove, to meet the Michael Jackson "Dealertainer" look-alike. Shivers still vibrate throughout my spine after seeing that.

Politics....seriously you know what happens when I get started on this. I get angry, then a little sleepy, fall asleep, and then wake up only to write some rambling nonsense at 3am.

I'll try to stay awake for this...Republicans are seriously retarded. Well, not all Republicans. With the exception of our President, I honestly think that most of the "ruling" Republicans are pretty bright. They have to be. I NEED them to be. How else can they get people to vote against their own best interests. They run on campaigns of family values and anti-gay marriage and then don't ever talk about what they really want to do. The Estate Tax? That only affects, and BARELY affects at that, the very very rich. So people vote against it because they think it affects them. Ok, maybe they are a little dumb. But I think the softball approach Democrats took in trying to challenge him was even dumber. If somebody was running into a burning building and you liked him or her, you'd tell that person to stop with whatever means you had right? So why didn't they put up a harder fight? No wonder John Kerry had his testicles handed to him. Then again, I'm not sure where he was keeping them during the election. The person who should have been nominated was very outspoken and lost the nomination just because he screams like a donkey. Isn't that supposed to be the Democrats symbol anyway? American Politics and the people in charge of electing people are very disturbing to me these days.

Senator

. He stated that from the videos he's seen, he believes that she is not in a persistive vegetative state. Did you know that doctors can lose their license if they diagnose patients without seeing them in person? Anyway, I understand his mistake as the look she has in those videos is the same as the average Bill Frist fan.

Sorry that was crude. I'm sure they look far more vacant than her. My apologies.

If you want my two cents on the whole issue, and you probably don't, I feel badly for the Schiavo and Shindler families because no matter what side they are one, they have lost somebody. As of this writing all of the efforts of her parents to keep her soulless body alive has failed. There is basically no hope for her body at this point. There was no hope for her body 5 years ago. There was no hope for her body 10 years ago. Her cerebral cortex liquefied and was replaced by spinal fluid several years ago. If you know anything about the brain then you know how hopeless it is that she would suddenly gain ANY kind of cognitive thought capacity. She is not in a coma. People go into comas all the time. People in comas can actually think. Perhaps her parents, who are devout catholics, are afraid that this would count as suicide as it was their daughter's bulimia that caused her to have a potassium imbalance that kept oxygen from reaching her brain properly. Meanwhile while President Bush flew in from one of his MANY vacations to sign a bill trying to keep her alive, people all over the country are dying unnecessarily because they work at Wallmart and don't have proper health care. GW didn't even fly into Washington to make a speech about the Tsunami victims in Asia. He didn't fly in from Texas when he received the memo that stated that Bin Ladin was "Determined to strike in U.S."

Besides, why was George Bush so moved by Terri's case when he signed the Texas Futile Care Law as Governor of Texas which allows hospitals to turn off any life support to patients whose family can't afford to pay the bills. I guess that shows what any of this is actually about. Politics, money, and distracting us from the middle east and from George Bush not trying to find Bin Ladin. A week before he flew into Washington, a woman's 6 week old baby's life support was turned off because of that law. She didn't want them to do it, but being poor she had no say in it.

Anyway, if you want a more detailed opinion about this issue, check out this article from Air America's Laura Flanders on

. I can only say so much before my brain starts imploding from all these conspiracy theories seemingly coming true.


So this is "The Most DIsturbing Issue Ever." Actually it's the first disturbing Issue we've ever done and so I think that still qualifies it as the most disturbing one. Originally we were going to do this issue in November of 2004, but I didn't think I would be able to do all the photoshop on the cover and elsewhere in time. We actually shot the cover in August of last year and it had been waiting all this time for the new open window. The image that ended up on the cover wasn't my original pose idea. In fact that show was a behind the scenes shot shot by Jessicah Ate' (soon to be Jessicah Mayhem professionally). Special thanks to her, the covermodel Taryn, and especially Phil Aja and Jenny Lang who let us shoot in their basement in Pasadena.

In what is now a two month extended issue, we will write about things that push our usual invisible boundaries. No taboo subject is too taboo except the ones that really make us want to vomit. No chewed up gum found underneath the school desk will not be rechewed. (I actually did this once in elementary school...and yes I do kiss people with that mouth.) Personal secrets will be spilled out. You'll learn WAAAAAY too much about us like how I once had sex in the bathroom of a Taco Bell near my high school.

Sure the idea of public sex can be and IS exciting, but does ANYONE find ANYTHING exciting about having sex in a Taco Bell? This means for the rest of my life when I drive by that Taco Bell, I have to think of the time I had sex in the bathroom of that particular Taco Bell located down the street from my high school on Pacific Coast Highway. If I go to ANY Taco Bell, I still think about the time I had sex in the bathroom of a Taco Bell. Words like "Hot Sauce" and "Chalupas" take on whole new meanings.

There is nothing HOT about that. It's downright disturbing and embarrassing.

And you know the worst thing about it? Now every time YOU go into a Taco Bell, YOU'LL think about ME having sex in the bathroom of a Taco Bell. It's like a virus. It's not sexy. It's not something to be proud of. It's gross. It's disturbing.

Welcome to Issue #49: "The Most Disturbing Issue Ever"

Yr. No-Fi Pal,
Chris Beyond