brought 4 memory cards for my camera and an additional black and white disposable camera that I bought in England, I was already 
almost out of memory for digital pictures. This after I swore to myself last year that this wouldn't happen again. So I borrowed my friend Scott's camera and raced to the stage 
just in time for El Vez to come out and host the final set of performances for the evening. First up was Lucy Fur who was bathed in pink light as she performed a classic fan dance. Indigo Blue, a favorite of mine from Miss Exotic Worlds past, came out with a big mixing bowl in which she served herself as the main course to which she added sugar. ...lots and lots of sugar (from a C&H bag covered with pink glitter no less). Actually it wasn't sugar at all, but finely cut glitter. What was funny about this is that when the cleanup crew came out afterwards, they swept it into the press pit covering cameras and laptops with tiny shimmery particles. Perhaps I wouldn't have thought it was so funny if it happened to me. Still that's the price you pay when you get in for free. Plus some of these people didn't really look like press anyway.
Harvest Moon ended up on stage even 
before they were able to clean up all the sugar. Indigo Blue is a hard act to follow, but Miss Moon more than held her own. He act involved a lot of posing in floor positions all while balancing a full wine glass on her forehead or legs and was one of the evenings best. Oh, heck, they were all the best! That's why they were chosen as the main contenders for Miss Exotic World, right?
Another crowd favorite, and a nice gal offstage (who performed in the Broad Daylight dvd with a fresh sunburn gotten from the Miss Exotic World pageant two 
years ago) was Mimi LeMeaux who looked great in the night air. Bambi The Mermaid expanded her sealife repertoire performing as a giant shrimp. Another 
favorite of mine from my first Exotic World was Detroit's Sparkly Devil who also did a fan dance. Miss "Michelle Toots" L'Amour blew everyone away with her Snow White routine complete with a glittery poison apple and a costume not unlike Disney's version, only not cheap looking like one you'd find in a store. I think that, with the exception of a lost pastie or two all day, this ended up being the skimpiest under-outfit of the evening when she finally shed her blue and yellow dress. The crowd loved it. With barely a moment to catch their breath, the crowd was then treated to The World Famous *Bob* who was much lighter than she she has been in the last few years. She may not have had as much up top, but she still left the crowd gasping for air.
It was at this point when I had used up all of Scott's battery power and I had to start editing in camera in my own digital camera to make room for the shots I'd miss otherwise. So I would shoot during each performance, and then scroll through pictures to delete the ones that I didn't think were as good as some of the others in between acts.
Now I know I keep saying this person and that person was my favorite,...but Desire D'Amour can also be counted among one of those...maybe even a favorite among 
favorites. She graced the stage in a beautiful asian dress with matching fan and when she stripped down to her red panties and matching pasties with gold tassels the crowd went wild because many of them knew what was coming next. Desire has always been a great tassel twirler and on this night she twirled them so hard that I thought time was going to start going backwards like in the first Superman film.
One surprise of the evening for me was when Summer 
Peaches took the stage in a pirate outfit. It wasn't the pirate outfit that surprised me. You see, Summer was also one of the coverstars of No-Fi "Magazine" #13 "The Clown Issue" with her tiny pictures framing the main picture of Jimmy from DIOS MALOS looking like a young clown Elvis. I also have a troubled memory with her as the last time I talked to her, we got into an argument over a behind the scenes video I had from when we were on HBO's Sex Bytes show together as part of a Cacophony Society prank and it was my only copy so I didn't want to loan it to her until I had a chance to copy it. It was a dumb argument and things were said that probably can't be taken back. Still it was nice to see her again, even if she was on stage and she didn't even know I was in the audience. She had a minor technical problem when her pirate sword broke at the hilt, but her act was really fun and she did better than she gave herself credit for later.
No-Fi pal Penny Starr Jr. took the stage next in a tribute to 
James Bond, complete with martini glass (which she entrusted to me during her performance). She went from suave tuxedo to full-on shimmery Bond Girl before you had the chance to check her for her for a license to kill. Julie Atlas Muz did an amazing psychedelic showgirl number next, ending with a lot of flowing fabrics swirling all about her.
Torchy Taboo looked like a showgirl from the old west mixed with a little new orleans southern belle charm. I think this might have been the longest 
number of the night's events. Her act is easier to see in person than it is to properly describe (plus I was having camera problems between her and Julie's acts which took some of my attention away from them undeservedly). She wrote to me recently and helped me put her act in better perspective to fill in some of the blanks. She said that her act was inspired by a recent shopping trip in Paris and her act reflected that and the passing of the seasons...starting and ending in Spring. The music was sharply mixed using various sources from Frank Sinatra to Led Zepplin. She was a little concerned that I didn't "get" her act, but the real problem was that I didn't have the memory when I wrote that first draft to properly convey it.
Then again, as I've said before, describing burlesque to people is a tough job. Now try to describe everyone's act from a huge all-day event two months later...with only your memory and a few photos per act to go by...
So that that was last number of the evening and it was time for judging...or so we thought. First we were treated to a performance by two members of last year's best troupe, 
The Harlem Shake Burlesque, who also performed with giant feather fans. (I have to tell you that none of these giant fans are cheap. My friend Joshua inquired about them hoping to eventually purchase some for a boy-burlesque show he'd like to produce and they can run you from 500 dollars to several thousand dollars.) Last year, The Harlem Shake Burlesque won the best troupe competition hands down and the crowd was 
happy to see them on stage again. This was followed by a performance by one of the masters of modern burlesque Miss Exotic World 2004 Dirty Martini who shook the stage with her rambunctious talent and stirred the air with her twirling tassels. She left no doubt as to why she carried the title of Miss Exotic World. She wore a custom made crown and it was announced that she had commissioned another crown that would be passed on from the next Miss Exotic World to all of the future Miss Exotic Worlds from that point on.
So it seemed like forever before we would find out who won what competition. El Vez interviewed each of the main contestants, but 
their answers would make any Miss America contestant blush and slink away. One of my favorite El Vez lines of the evening was when he came out in in a leather cross hatched outfit that showed a lot of skin that he said made him look like the son of Kitten Natividad and Morrissey.
When the votes were finally tallied and brought on stage, Best Costume was given to Kitten On The Keys for her outfit from the night before, although I don't remember which one as she wore many, each one imaginative, sexy, and beautiful.
It was a really tough category with so many acts and lots of talented performers, but the one person who stood out over the rest was Best Newcomer winner Diamond Back Annie for her Elvis routine. When I think of it, she kind of reminded me of 
sometime No-Fi writer Claire Donner. I wonder if Claire would dress up like She-lvis for me?
The winner of the Legend In The Making category was Venus DeMille who broke into tears upon hearing the news and receiving her 
trophy (and booze) on stage. It was cool to know that somebody who has been interviewed in No-Fi is also a "Legend In The Making" in the field of burlesque. I can tell you that she is also smart, a great musician and a nice person too.
The winner of the best troupe category really 
wasn't a surprise judging from the audience reaction to their performance, but the crowd cheered wildly anyway. The Wau Wau Sisters came on stage to receive their trophies wearing big bright red 
sunglasses, white boots, some kind of furry vest-thing, and a giant pair of lips on the front of their little shorts. Still they seemed genuinely surprised by the win and were very happy.
More waiting ensued and the name of the winner of the Miss Exotic World title was raced to the stage as soon as it was tabulated. Obviously it was a close race. 2nd Runner Up went to Julie Atlus Muz, who is also a co-host of a burlesque cable show on the East Coast. 1st Runner Up went the the glittery redheaded fireball known as Torchy Taboo.
"...and the winner of the of the title of Miss Exotic World 2005 is..."
Screams so high pitched that my eardrums actually warbled filled the air after the winner of Miss Exotic World 
2005 was announced. Hugs were exchanged and tears flowed so much in the warm desert air that small oasises popped up around several people's eyes. Miss Exotic World 2005 is Michelle "Toots" L'Amour for her Snow White routine with it's mix of brilliantly mixed music and an act that made made male and female audience members stand at attention to her hypnotic writhing and vamping on stage.
It was time to go home. All of my friends were exhausted after the long almost two days we spent in Helendale, California. Rather than stay for most of the press photos being taken of Michelle on stage posing with her crown and trophy, I left with Holly for the road back to Los Angeles and all of the black boogers we'd doubtlessly have the next day from the desert air. We also probably missed the hot-tub party that we attended last year in which the hotel's hot-tub was filled to the brim with dirty girls (from the dusty desert air) and a few lucky guys. In fact I heard that the water in the hot-tub was covered by a fine layer of glitter and make-up afterwards.
My only caveats with the show was that there wasn't a live band this year and that the comedy numbers were all but dropped with the exception of the hosts and a couple of the more humorous numbers. Still there is no doubt that this was the greatest Exotic World pageant yet. Hopefully we'll see the band and comedy acts next year.
We had a great time at Exotic World. It's still hard to explain modern burlesque to people and I hope that with all of the people performing that I've described (and the ones I didn't who were great nonetheless), I've been able to convey just a little bit of the feel of this yearly event to you. Holly put it best when I turned her on to the burlesque scene. The women who perform burlesque at Exotic World and in certain clubs all around America (and the world) seem to actually be having fun on stage where many of the people that we think simply as strippers in your local strip joint only seem to be in it for the money. Oh, there's the little drama here and there, but overall everyone seems to have a good time and I have met some of the nicest people that I'm glad to call friends at these shows and other burlesque events.
Talking to Kitten Natividad a few days ago, she said that being at Exotic World was the best time she's had in a long 
time and that it was like being a part of King Arthur's Court. My friend Joshua, who had never been to a burlesque event, said that he was blown away by the amazing performances and even wanted to perform in it next if they'd have him. In fact all of our friends, girl and boy, said they had a great time and did, indeed, want to go back next year. These same friends who once thought I was weird for wanting to go to this each year, now understood and were truly converted.
So if you and your friends (male AND female) are looking a fun time with sexy themes, but you don't want to step into one of "those" clubs...check your local paper to see if there are any burlesque events in your area...or just go to Exotic World next year in 2006. Don't forget to take the tour with Dixie Evans. Without her, Exotic World would not be what it is today. Thank you Dixie! There will be only one Dixie Evans of burlesque.
ThE End!
Chris Beyond is the creator of No-Fi "Magazine"
and has attended every Exotic World Pageant since 2002
For more information on Exotic World go to http://www.exoticworldusa.com
Extra Special Thanks go to Luke Littell, Laura Herbert, Dixie Evans, Lili Von Schtupp, Emmy Collins, Kitten Natividad, Rita D'Albert, Anna Bells, Dixie Evans, Don Spiro, JMM, Holly-Tron, Jenny Lang, David Lang, Brandon Finch, Scott Smith, Joshua Benny, Phil Aja, all of the participants and volunteers who made this year's Exotic World Pageant and this article possible.
photos can be made available to performers upon request.
