THE INCREDIBLE HULK: ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION (2005)
Platforms: X-Box (reviewed here), Playstation 2, Gamecube
distributed by Vinvendi Universal Games
reviewed by Chris Beyond
Ok, I am about to write simply the most cheesy thing I've ever written in No-Fi "Magazine", but THE INCREDIBLE HULK: ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION really may be the most incredible comic book to video game adaptation ever.
I'm serious about that. Think about all of the games created from Comic Books. Only a handful 
ever nearly match the feel of the source material. Activision's SPIDER-MAN games are pretty good, but could be better. That X-Men arcade game from 10 years ago or so was pretty neat for its time. Don't foget SUPERMAN for the Atari 2600... Wow.
Radical Entertainment, under Vendi Universal Games, learned from the mis-steps taken in their last Hulk game which tied into the movie. They ditched the Bruce Banner stealth missions and instead turned this game into a faithful telling of the comic book version of the famous hero, sometimes anti-hero. There is so much to this game that it is almost impossible to explain it all here in a simple game review.
I'm sure most of you are familiar with the Hulk's character, but for those of you who may be reading this in the 1800s on a computer that was accidently sent back in time I'll explain it for you. The Hulk is a character created for Marvel Comics about a man who is accidentally exposed to gamma radiation which unlocks a humongous green beast from within his genes that he transforms into - usually in times of great stress. He's had many adventures and has been a part of several super-teams including The Avengers. Still Bruce Banner has always had to wrestle the the animal within and is always on a quest to find a cure to his problem. It is from this backstory that the game picks up from in a world where everyone is already familiar with The Hulk and includes many familar faces to fans of the comic series.
So you may have heard a thing or two about the game and reviews calling it a "Grand Theft Hulk" 
game. It's true that you are jumping around a huge city and you have the option to follow the storyline, go on side-quests, or just jump around causing destruction with every step of your massive feet. But the actual comparison to GTA runs thin once you explore the city for a while (the city itself lacks the character given to the cities in the GTA games). While you can run around killing people in that game series, there is no doubt that you are a monster in this game and you don't have to go very far before you figure out that even if you walk around the city in a calm fashion, just the sight of you causes people to flee from you, cars to veer into buildings, and police officers to attack you. It's no wonder that The Hulk ends up just running around the city like a madman, destrying almost everything he touches.
After you've bored with grabbing people off the street, climbing up the side of the tallest building to the top where you just chuck the person off into the skyline so many times like I did, you'll find yourself wondering if there is more to do. Oh, sure there is "people golfing" where you smack somebody with a light pole and watch their body bounce off the side of a building and you can even turn certain items into giant bowling balls and watch the fun roll down the street. Well, keep 
playing the story mode and more will come to you via new maps, new moves purchased with Smash Points you get from destroying things, and interesting codes that you get when you find Hulk comic books hidden throughout the world that can give you things like new Outfits (including an entire persona change to Mr. Fixit who comic fans will be familair with) to extra Hulk powers. I found the story to be pretty interesting, but it really is an excuse to get The Hulk into scenerios and boss battles that can be almost as cinematic as any huge special effects film you've seen. It helps that the graphics are good...I can't wait to see what The Hulk'll look like on the X-Box 360.
I do wish we heard the Hulk himself talk as he does in the comics instead of the obvious grunts and growls... I gotta hear me some "HULK MAD!!!!!!" or "PUNY BANNER!!!" sometime, right? Maybe in the next game. Still this ia a great title over all and probably the best game I've played this year. I even see it as a strong contender as No-Fi "Magazine" videogame of the year and I'd be suprised if it didn't make other magazine's lists as well. It's just a fun game to sit and play for a few minutes for some quick destruction action or even to sit for a night and progress through the game itself even further. Check it out yourself, but don't get too caught up in the game. You'll never be able to explain why you ripped the couch in half to your mom.
Now when are we going to get our "DOLEMITE: BAD-ASSED DESTRUCTON" game?!?
(Chris Beyond is the creator of No-Fi "Magazine" and always pats the girls on the head before flicking them off buildings with his finger)
PONG (1972)
Platforms: Arcade Cabinet
distributed by Atari
reviewed by Chris Beyond
Pong is pure violence stripped down to the bare essentials.
Imagine living in a world where everyone you know and loved - even the people you never cared for...are all gone. Everything. Entire cities wiped out and all that is left is you, your enemy, two paddles, and a white square that has elastic properties.
Welcome to the nightmare world of PONG.
This frightening vision of the future was envisioned by Ralph Baer who after fleeing Germany 
during WWII was recruted by the US Government to create new technologies. During which he stumbled into inventing videogames which led to the creation of Pong and the Magnavox system. The Pong cabinet was released to an unknowing planet still reeling from the horrors of the Vietnam war and the reelection of President Nixon in 1972.
The game seems simple enough. You have two white bars controlled by roller paddles that you operate, a dotted line in the middle that I assume designates the middle of the screen, and your score which is tabulated on each players side as they bounce a slow moving square "dot" towards one another hoping that the other person will miss, thus scoring a point. Oh, the pathos.
The game is contained within a brown wood paneled cabinet and the game screen is surrounded by 
a strong yellow border with a metal plate on which the "paddles" can be found. It's hard to find this version of the game now, put when you do, usually there's something wrong with it. Still it's nice to be able to go back to when battles contisted of bouncing balls off of one another and I'm not talking about gay porn...sorta.
On a closing note, Nolan Bushnell, who created the Pong cabinet game, was successfully sued by Ralph Baer for stealing his game. Later Nolan would stand up at a convention - yelling at the creators of pong clones "Paddle Battle" and "TV Ping Pong" asking them why they stole his game. Still you gotta love Atari and Nolan. They got us here.
(Chris Beyond is the creator of No-Fi "Magazine" and once found 8 quarters stuck in a Pong cabinet which can still be found at the Redondo Beach pier.)