No-Fi Magazine
presents:
The Joy of Fingerbanging
by roger boxx


Occasionally referred to as "finger-fucking", the act of "fingerbanging" is never referred to as finger-tapping, finger-humping, finger-intercourse, finger-lovemaking, finger-nookie, finger-screwing, finger-fornication. I assume the phrase originates from a time in which "banging" was the popular term for coitus. "Finger" was added as a modifier and the phrase stuck. As an adult, I have little call for use of the phrase, "finger-bang." The act itself is usually a component of foreplay or mutual masturbation. It was middle school or junior high school that the phrase began to become significant in my vocabulary and life-- A time when the clitoris (pronounced kly-tour-ras) was believed to be an ancient Greek poet.

What man can forget his first boyhood venture into the holiest of holies? What young woman can forget her first foreign digital penetration? The excitement. The lust. The rush. The satisfaction... or lack there of.

The art of fingerbanging has returned to the spotlight to capture the hearts and the imagination of the people of America and abroad. In fact the light of complete freedom that has spread through Iraq has spread even more than you can imagine...and I'm pretty sure you can. Now imagine if you too could rediscover the joys and excitement of finger-banging again?

Well, you can. And we at No-Fi can help your finger-banging fulfillment. We are proud to present an illustrated guide to better finger-banging to get you started. By implementing these procedures in your dealings, you will be guaranteed a more satisfactory and well-rounded life.


The Corn Roller:
This technique stimulates the knuckles as well as the clitoris. Great for arthritics.

The Rapscallion:
If done properly, this maneuver will cause the receiver to squawk like a goose. Good for airplane travel.

The Waldorf Salad:
A great technique for introducing newcomers to finger-banging fun. Great at parties.

The Crooked Fish:
This is an advanced technique. Without practice, it can result in serious injury for both participants. Developed for enjoyment at the movies or the theater.

The Under-Dog:
A surprisingly delightful technique developed by accident at an all girl summer camp in New England in the late 60's. For best results: the recipient should be at least 15 pounds over-weight.

The Chinese Tight-Rope Walker:
This technique can be messy, but worth the clean-up. Never attempt on a full stomach.

Those are enough to start with. Soon you may even find yourself coming up with your own techniques, but more likely you'll find yourself relying on these old favorites. We hope you enjoy employing these practices in your daily routines. We sure do.


Roger Boxx is a contributing writer to No-Fi "Magazine" and studied for years in the Orient and the jungles of South America to learn these techniques.


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