BELIEVERS
starring: Jon Huertas, Johnny Messner, Daniel Benzali, Erik Passoja
directed by Daniel Myrick, Color, 
, 2007
Distributed by Warner Home Video
DVD Reviewed By: Ryan Lies
Many, including myself, have wondered what happened to Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez, the directors behind the 1999 surprise mega-smash The Blair Witch Project (and it's brilliant companion piece Curse of the Blair Witch). After their creepy little indie pseudo-doc made millions and broke box-office records, they seemed to just disappear like... well, like three student filmmakers we all last saw in Burkittsville, Maryland.
Obviously, following up something like The Blair Witch Project would be daunting for anyone, so it's not surprise they laid low, and took their time with their follow-ups. Sanchez released Altered last year, and I have yet to see it, so it's inappropriate for me to say that they've BOTH proven themselves beyond their debut success. However, after viewing Myrick's Believers, I can say without any doubt that he, at least, has proven that Blair Witch was no fluke.
Two paramedics (Jon Huertas and Johnny Messner), responding to what they assume to be a routine call, are stopped from helping their patient by a truckload of gun-wielding strangers, who are strangely all dressed in white. The paramedics soon find themselves locked away in the compound of the Quanta Group, a cult who has impending plans to vacate this plane of existence, in order to perpetuate the human race after a cataclysmic fire-storm.
While imprisoned, the paramedics discover that Rebecca (Deanna Russo), the woman they had been called to save, was trying to escape the Quanta Group, with her daughter Libby (Saige Ryan Campbell). Thinking that Rebecca had died from cardiac arrest, the two are shocked to find that she has been somehow resurrected, and apparently re-indoctrinated, by The Teacher (Daniel Benzali), the Svengali-like leader of the cult.
With the help of Libby, who wants to do right by her mommy, but is also afraid to die, the two plot to escape from the compound and attempt to stop another Heaven's Gate from happening. They also soon realize that if they continue to refuse The Teacher's offers to "join them in eternal life," they will be disposed of.
Believers grips right from the beginning, where we see one of the Quanta members, the oddly named IO (Erik Passoja), during a brief TV interview. From there things heat up fast, and hardly ever let up. Myrick keeps the threats real, without ever giving too much away. The cult believes in something called "the Formula," which is supposed to be a message from God sent via mathematics, but we never real learn what exactly "the Formula" says or truly means. Which makes scenes of ecstatic, wide-eyed drones chanting "the undeniable truth" with arms raised to The Teacher even creepier.
Myrick gets great performances all around from his cast, and they really sell it. Russo and Passoja are truly unnerving: one a "believer" who may or may not truly believe any more, and another who believes whole-heartedly in what he and his "family" are doing. However, the standout performance goes to Benzali, a veteran character actor, who has created a classic movie villain here, with The Teacher. (Or, IS he a villain?) Think Jesus of Nazareth crossed with Colonel Kurtz, from APOCALYPSE NOW.
This is, straight up, one of the best horror films of the year. Daniel Myrick proves that he understands horror, how less-is-more often elicits sundry more chills, and by keeping things ambiguous rather than having us told WHY we should be scared.
I won't got so far as to proclaim this a "modern classic," a label I still affix to The Blair Witch Project, but I will say it's one of the best, and TRUEST horror films I have seen in a long, long time (and the ending is one for the ages.) It has left me with chills long after I have returned the DVD to its snapcase. This, along with Aronofsky's PI, have embedded in me a deep distrust of mathematicians now.
I just KNEW there was a good reason why I always failed math in school. Creepy damn fractions...
(Ryan Lies is a staffwriter for No-Fi "Magazine"
and believes that the new year may bring lots of joy...or less.)
BRITNEY REARS 2
starring: Britney Rears, Hillary Scott, James Deen, Sunny Lane
directed by Will Rider, Color, , 2006
Distributed by Hustler Video
DVD Reviewed By: Chris Beyond
This was sent to us a couple years ago and for whatever reason it ended up at the bottom of the review stack, gained a little dust, and remain unplayed for years...this isn't that much unlike the real Britney Spears that this adult film lampoons (emphasis on the second syllable of that last word).
I'm not a fan of Miss Spears. You may have figured that out over the years in No-Fi "Magazine". But do we need a Britney Spears porno when there seems to be a new Britney Spears upskirt vagina shot in the news every couple months or so? We've all looked at it out of curiousity. Some people have probably memorized it or erected monuments to it. Some people went and did make a porn flick dedicated to it.
The film Britney Rears 2 begins by showing backstage video of a concert and tries to convince us via voiceover that the people shown attending and the equipment being moved by unknowing roadies is for a big Britney Rears concert.We are then clued into the "plot" of the film which is a controversy about who is actually singing Britney's songs. This leads to the first sex scene which looks like it was filmed in the mansion where they shot Orgazmo. Fast forward...
It's really odd that people are being interviewed in front of a poster of the DVD cover. These are supposed to parody celebrity interviews, but the cheap background makes it look like they didn't even bother to think about how to dress the set. Then porn star James Deen has sex with a girl in glasses. Fast forward...
What is wrong with the lead actresses chin? And why is her make-up so bad? All the press conference scene succeeds in doing is to make the lead actress look unattractive...and to introduce the next sex scene. Fast forward... Now she's having sex with a fan at that same press conference. Fast forward...
Next we see everyone working on Britney's new music video. Controversy about her singing continues...and then devolves into her backup dancers having a fourway with Britney's husband Kevin....and then some other seemingly unrelated sex scene thrown in for filler. Fast Forward 16X Speed.
Yet another sex scene occurs and the actors keep breaking the 4th wall and look at the camera pretty often. As I watched I began to think that these people aren't the thespians you'd expect them to be. Fast forward...
The narrator explains that Britney may or may not be singing her own songs, but at least her breasts are real. I'm not sure I believe anything the narrator has tried to tell me. We are then "treated" to a Britney Rears music video which includes a montage of previous scenes. It's really really not good. It's not even anywhere close to being so bad it's good. The film ends and that was a good thing.
Checking out the extras I noticed on the trailer of Britney Rears 1 that the lead actress probably gained a little weight betweens films which may be why her chin looked so bad in make-up. In researching this film, I found that they are actually already up to part 4 of this series. I think I'm ok with stopping at this one.
(Chris Beyond is the creator of No-Fi "Magazine"
and thinks Britney could take a tip from this film. End.)
