the no-fi "magazine"
interview with
I first saw this band at a little Downtown L.A. venue called AL'S BAR with my pal o' pals Dave Doran. SIX VOLT SUNBEAM opened up for them and the crowd was growing. Billy threw out boxing gloves to the audience and soon, before you could say "figwadget", two girls with fake goatees were boxing. Man, it was fun. A little smokey, but fun. They have a new record coming out on FLIPSIDE RECORDS and you can bet it's gonna be goooooood! I did this interview at the completly last minute before going to print. Oh what fun we had. Please enjoy dear reader! (Or don't! Hey, it's your eyes!)
Who's in the band:
Billy: (Vocals/guitar/nudist)
Rob: (Guitar)
Evan: (Bassist/Antaginizor of Billy)
Scott: (Drummer Boy and Punching Bag)
4: (the four bass players)
Tyler: (Magician)
Chip: (Instrument Player: Harmonica, Trumpet, Accordian)
Cake: (Manager)
Gus: Flipside: (Record Producer)
Here's the codes (So you know who's talkin'):
C = Chris Beyond (NO-FI creator/interviewer/Lead singer of EAR BEYOND)
B = Billy
R = Rob
E = Evan
S = Scott
4 = The Four Bass Players
T = Tyler
CH = Chip
CA = Cake
G = Gus
THE INTERVIEW
C: So how is the new record comin' along?
R: Well the fuse is lit and the powder keg is gonna' blow.
C: How very glamourous!
B: The 99th Fuck You is a glam band!
E: Yeah sure whatever! (pause) Sit n' spin!!!! Sit n' Spin!!!
C: When is the new album expected out?
CA: Why would you ask a question like that?
C: Hey what's your problem?
G: Cake, have you been smoking pot?
CA: No I just think that's kind of a rude question to ask.
C: Excuse me.
E: Sit n' spin!!!!! (He points out his middle fingers)
C: Next question... Have any of you ever held a monkey?
S: I've traveled from Isreal to Egypt.
T: Anybody seen my wallet?
CH: (Howls like a wolf) Owwwwwwwww!!!!!!
T: It's in the ravine boy? Good boy!
C: How did you guys get the First AME Church choir to sing on the album?
R: Well when I first met Billy, he was called Billy Negro. And there you have it.
C: I protest!
B: Fucking Wagner!
E: Have you seen the new RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE video?
C: Nope not yet. Is it good?
S: Dude, it's dope!
C: Hmmmmmmm.
E: What a burger. (He runs out of the room screaming Sit n' spin)
(Chis searches for the next question)
C: I'll have to see it. I wonder what I should ask you next.
B: You want to talk about my cock.
C: Oh yeah, how is it? Get those ink stains out?
B: Well what do you think of it?
C: Well I guess if you cut it off, it becomes performance art. How bout that?
CH: If the shoe fits, wear it.
S: (Babbles and blurts out Arabic religious slogans and catch phrases)
C: Rob, how is it that you personally started this band?
R: Well, I was desperate for musicians to play my music...I found Billy and Scott in the Pennysaver.
B&S: Dude, it was in the Tribune!
G: I know, I know.
R: We wanted a manager with a temper and we ended up with Cake.
C: Is that a good thing?
E: (Running back into the room) Whatever you freakin' piece of shit.
C: I'm taking control here...Who are some of your favorite bands and or TV shows?
ALL: GREEN DAY, BAD RELIGION, WACO, and AMAZING DISCOVERIES.
(Everyone nods approvingly)
C: That's great! (yeah, right!) So you're pretty bummed about Green Day!
E: Well, Birds fly!
G: I know, I know.
(Just then everyone had to pee...they all went to the bathroom and disapered down the drain pipe.)
(30 seconds later My phone rang.)
99TH FUCK YOU: Thank you.
Chris Beyond
