NO-FI "MAGAZINE" interview with "Mickey Dolenz"

NO-FI "MAGAZINE"
interview with
Mickey Dolenz
of

featuring
Brian Button as "Mickey"

Interview by Chris Beyond!
Conducted on my former Bedroom Floor
Carson, October 2nd, 1993

A few weeks after I did the Mr. T interview back in 1993 (still riding the high) I found out that Mickey Dolenz (former member of THE MONKEES) was going to be at a signing at a local bookstore in Torrance. Brian had spent the night over and I left him sleeping on my floor to do the interview first thing in the morning. I took the bus and wrote the questions on the way. When I got there I was greeted with a "No, you can't interview him while he signs his book. Just wait in line like everyone else." I skated in the parking lot for a little while and got back on the bus. Brian was still asleep on the floor when I woke him and told him that HE was Mickey Dolenz and I was going to interview him while he lay on the floor half asleep. This never before printed exclusive tell-all interview was the result.

B = Brian Button (as Mickey Dolenz)
C = Chris Beyond (me)

C: Today is Saturday, October 2nd. I was supposed to interview Micky Dolenz, famous for being the Drummer of the MON-KEES (We laugh). Since I don't want all these good questions going to waste, I am going to ask Brian Button who will be playing the role of Mickey for this evening. So MICKEY...Hi!
B: (half asleep pause) Hi.
C: So Mickey, how would you describe yourself?
B: I was the drummer of THE MONKEES.
C: So what instruments do you play then?
B: I play drums.
C: Sum up THE MONKEES.
B: Well, MONKEES was a group that made music and TV....show?
C: Alright, well, tell us about the movie "HEAD"...that THE MONKEES made.
B: I never saw it. (laughing) I'm sorry.
C: Well what else have you done? Any other movies or TV?
B: Uh, not that I know of.
C: Well, what did you think of THE NEW MONKEES TV show that used to be on?
B: I never saw that either. I never even knew there was a NEW MONKEES.
C: Well that was a few years ago.
B: Oh.
C: My mom thought you guys were really hot stuff. Do you have anything to say to her?
B: Uh...no. Not really.
C: Oh, c'mon just one thing?
B: Uh, ok. Hello.
C: So what do you think of today's bands? Do you have any favorites?
B: I don't listen to music.
C: Well, what do you think of RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE?
B: Who?
C: RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE?
B: Uh, no not really.
C: How about DEAD MILKMEN?
B: I suppose there are some.
C: Uh, Morrissey?
B: Huh?
C: MORRISSEY?
B: What's that?
C: name of a guy that sings.
B: Uh...uh...Ok, I like `em.
C: How bout the BEASTIE BOYS?
B: Uh...I...uhhhh...(He curls up in a ball on the floor and whimpers) Uhhhhhhh...noooooo.
C: Uh, PORNO FOR PYROS?
B: Uhhhhh...I don't know.....
C: How about SHLĐMPF?
B: (Happy) Heyyyyyyyyyyy! There we go! I've heard of them! Theyźre great! I love SHLĐMPF!
C: Well, how does the word SHLĐMPF make you feel?
B: Makes me feel all cozy inside. (He cuddles up in his blankets) MmmmmMmmm.
C: Well, what brought about this book thing?
B: (Gurgling noise) I wrote a book?
C: Yep.
B: Oh! I guess it was because I was a MONKEE.
C: What is your favorite book?
B: Uh, I guess the one I wrote.
C: Who's your favorite author?
B: Me!
C: So is that smile of yours just plastered to your face or what?
B: Yeah. Let me take it off.
(He reaches for his own face)
C: Aauughh! Well...so do you even know what a Monkey looks like?
B: Uh, no.
C: Have you ever held a monkey?
B: (parodying Mr. T) No, I have never held a monkey! Seen a lot of monkeys.
C: Then describe a monkey! Any monkey!
B: (loooong pause) Brothers don't like Giraffes...unless they're giraffe burgers.
(P.S. Brian was just parodying a line that was cut out of the Mr. T interview in both HARPERS and BEN IS DEAD)
C: Oh, well, what's a brass monkey?
B: A brass monkey...is a drink?
C: Ah, yes it is! Have you ever drinken one?
B: (laughing at my perfect use of the english language) Have I ever DRINKEN one? Well let's see...have I ever DRINKEN one... No, I don't think so.
C: Have you ever seen the movie "Monkey Shines?"
B: Uhhh (Nods yes)
C: Did you like it?
B: Yeah cuz it had a monkey in it....and I was in THE MONKEES.
C: Do you remember that scene when he was in the wheelchair and he said,..."Monkey! Monkey do this!", but the monkey wouldn't do that.
B: Yeah. That was awesome.
C: Did you ever see the TV series "Curse Of The Golden Monkey?"
B: (dryly) Oh yeah. I thought it was great.
C: What happens when a monkey sees?
B: He doos.
C: Oh, yeah, what does a monkey do, smarty?
B: He...he monkeys. (more whimpering...kinda like a sad Ewok)
C: Now, do you like Mr. T?
B: Oh...MR. T's THE GREATEST! He's the greatest in the world! Mr. T!!!
C: Do you like pornos?
B: Mr. T!!! Oh sure...I LOVE them.
C: What's your favorite?
B: I don't know...uh...The Traci Lords video.
C: Mickey, don't you know Traci Lords videos are illegal?!?
B: I like little girls.
C: So how many drugs did you take back in those days?
B: ALL OF THEM! (He grabs the mic) I TOOK ALL OF THEM!!!!!
C: How did you get the name of the group.
B: We went to the zoo. We saw monkeys. We knew that would be our name. (We sing THE MONKEES theme song....wrong) I don't know how to rap. It takes too much skill.
C: Well, I'd like to thank you for this interview Do you have any last words for the magazine?
B: Uh...uh...I don't know let me think of something. How about, "I pity the fool." That's as good as any.

THE END!

NO-FI "MAGAZINE"