C: Ok, lets say that you woke up tomorrow and you found yourself turned into an animal. What kind of animal would you be and why?K: I would like to be a poodle. A standard poodle because they are very very smart. And I would look cute as I could be and stand and beg and I know that I could get my way and I would just RULE. I would just rule everyone in the house.
C: But why? Why would somebody turn you into an animal?
K: Why?
C: There's no answer to that.
K: Yes there is because there's a little animal in all of us (laughing).
C: Ah! Well, when we sat next to one-another at the Egyptian, I sensed a very obvious rivalry between you and actress Edy Williams (star of "The Seven Minutes" and "Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls"). What was behind all that?
K: Oh, you know what? There's no rivalry. I just wanted to see how she's aged. That's all.
C: How did you find yourself doing hardcore films? Like the motivation, what got you in, and...?
K: Gee, you know doing the hardcore films. Ah, my god it is the most unpleasant thing in the world. It is hard work and you do that take over and over. There is absolutely no pleasure and the motivation is that I get a big paycheck at the end of the day. After a while I never want to see a hard dick for a long time, which is bullshit you know. I get home and then I'm really ready to fuck! (I laugh) And then I enjoy it. I'm so horny and frustrated because you don't get any pleasure making those films.
C: That question didn't make you uncomfortable did it? Or should I stay away from that stuff?
K: No, you can ask me anything.
C: Ok, what was your involvement in "Wadd" the John Holmes documentary? Did you know him or...
K: Oh yes and I worked with him...and I fucked him.
(Chris turns red)
K: He didn't want to fuck me, all he wanted to do was eat me and I said please, please and I'm glad I begged him. I'm glad I begged him because it was quite an experience. He told me he didn't have any sensation down there. He didn't like to get head or have sex. He got off by going down on a woman.C: I haven't seen the documentary, have you?
K: I haven't seen it. I hope it's good. You know, he was such a nice person. Even when he was down and bottoming out, was a full blown alcoholic and he reeked of booze and sweat. My heart just poured out to him. I felt so so sorry for him, cuz, you know, he entertained a lot of people and there was with nothing to offer and no one to give him anything. It was so sad.
(we talk about the film Boogie Nights and how Dirk Diggler is obviously based on John Holmes with events taken right out of his life and yet the film talks about John too.)
C: Quiz time. You have your glasses on so it's perfect. Of all the "Russ Meyer Girls" who is the toughest?
K: Oh, I would say she's a tough lady, but she's a WONDERFUL lady...that's Tura Satana (star of "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!"). Shes really nice, but I like the fact that she's tough. She's a real tough lady.
C: Who is the smartest?
K: I never thought of it. I haven't got a clue.
C: I think it's you. You had all the good grades.
K: Oh really? I think I'm the most popular.
C: You had the biggest career. You seem to be the savviest.
K: I guess that could make me the smartest. Thank you. (calling up to the heavens) THANK YOU JESUS (laughs).
C: Who is the most devious?
K: Edy Williams (she laughs).
C: Who is the nicest?
K: Uh, Haji (star of 'Faster Pussycat!' and my personal favorite "Good Morning...And Goodbye").C: Um, who is the overrated or underated?
K: Underrated would probably be Haji. I'm definitely not underrated. I am not underrated am I?
C: Oh, I hope not! You need to be out there more. That's all I'm saying.
K: I AM gonna get out there more. I will follow my breasts anywhere.
C: (laughing) Well, you have no choice. (Kitten laughs) You kind do that anyway. I'm not taking anything away from you, but you're going to be following them for the rest of your life. Can you do any cool tricks? Like weird tricks that people can do. Cards, juggling...
K: I do tricks in bed, that's what I do. (she laughs hard) And you can write that down!
C: So no little weird tricks like touching your tongue to your nose or...
K: I don't know. (laughing) Ask the guys in bed.
C: Ok, I WILL then! Fine! I'll be right back. (Kitten continues laughing) I'll just find some guys outside in a bed. "Hey! Guys in bed..." You have said that meeting fans is weird because they see you as a goddess., BUT who is a goddess to YOU?
K: Oh god I have sooo many! Bridget Bardot, Natilie Wood and Jane Fonda!
C: Jane Fonda...ahhh Barbarella. I can see you as Barbarella.
K: Yes, those are my goddesses...and of course (looking up to the ceiling)...my goddess up there.
C: That's a good one. We're very feminist at No-Fi just so you know. Um...(looking at my list of questions) What a weird que... Ok. Do robots have feelings?
K: Yes they do! They know when you're kicking the crap out of them.C: (laughing) That's true. (in a robot voice) "Please stop...It hurts."
K: (in a robot voice) "Master please stop that."
C: Oh, you probably hear that for other reasons.
K: MISTRESS!
C: Oh, I'm sorry. You're right. Skateboarders or Snowboarders?
K: Probably snowboarders. Because to go out in the snow, you gotta get bucks.
C: I guess that's true. I skateboard though... (making a sad face)
K: Cheap! Cheap!
C: Have you ever held a monkey?
K: No, but I've had a monkey on my back.
C: Do you want to talk about that?
K: No! (makes a pouty face) Noooo! It was awful.
C: It's all better now, though, isn't it?
K: Yeah the monkey's off my back.
C: For two years...is that the monkey you're talking about?
K: Oh monkeys that I had...years and years, but I haven't had a monkey in 2 and a half years. You're right.
C: (laughing) This is gonna sound sooo weird! Who are some of your favorite bands?
K: The Ramones. Those guys with the yellow raincoats. Devo! Motley Crüe. You're talking to a SALSA girl! But I do like rock and roll! I'm crazy about Dios!
C: That'll make our readers happy. They're in the same issue as you.
K: I love to have Dios on when I'm fucking.C: (blushing) Oh god! You are a good interview.
K: Am I?
C: Have you ever put out a record yourself?
K: No.
C: That kind of surprises me. It seems like everyone did back in the day.
K: No. (pouty) No I didn't...I didn't.
C: (pretending to pack up) Forget it, this interviews over!
K: (pouty) I know, I'm outta here.
C: (joking) Even Mr. T put out a record.
K: Well, honey, it's not too late! My careers not over. (excited) I'm coming out of retirement!
C: Were you ever really retired though? You sure work a lot.
K: Well, I was tired. (she laughs) I was tired and fried (laughs).
C: If Mondo Family Films does their next movie, I'm probably going to do some music for that and maybe you can sing or something. Hey,... Our radio show host Quin has a picture from the early nineties with your boobs on his head that he loves...
K: (coy) Oh, really? Where did he get that?
C: I'm not sure. I think he got it at some convention somewhere.
K: Are you serious? I've been known to do that.
C: (laughing) I don't see no boobs on my head. That's all I'M saying. (getting back to the question) What would you say to him if he were here today?
K: Let's do it again. (laughing) Weigh THESE suckers!
C: I would say, "Gimme back my boobs, you letch." That's just me though.
K: Awwwwww! Noooo. I want him to have my NEW ones on his head.
C: Why phone sex?
K: Why do I do it? Well it's one way to break the ice and when guys call me, they don't even want to have phone sex, they just want to know about my life story, how I like sex, what do I do. It's bonds them to me. You'd be surprised to know how many guys call me just to see how I'm doing. I actually make money. It pays my bills. My health insurance is 563 dollars and 63 cents a month. It's wonderful. I give, they take. They give and I take (she laughs).
C: Are you still working on your book?
K: I haven't. (pouty) I haven't. I'm so busy talking.
C: People like me are taking your time away. (Kitten laughs) Where did that weird painting of you in Mondo Video come from?
K: From somebody's warped mind.C: It's so odd.
K: It's either even or odd. (I laugh.)
C: You got one for everything.
K: (sounding like a sexy Wesley Willis...whatever that means) Do you love it? (pause) You know what it is? I'm very witty and I'm smart (she busts up laughing).
C: Ok let's take this down (pretending to write on a paper. She continues to laugh).
K: I'm teasing you! You don't want me to say terrible things like Gee, I'm dumb stupid and blind. (If Kitten has offended any of our blind readers out there, I'm sorry. J/K!)
C: Where can people find you online?
K: At the Kitten Klub... www.kittenklub.com. It's not a pay site, so they get to see 1000 pictures of me. I will have a portion that's a pay site because I found this trunk in my garage that has thousands and thousands of pictures that I did all through the 70s.
C: We'll talk again soon, but for now what words of wisdom do you have for our No-Fi "Readers"?
K: Well, I know that love makes the world go round, but boobs actually make it GO! (she laughs hard.)
C: Well, thank you very much!
K: Thank you, honey!
We finish up dinner and go to her place where we have a hot session of helping her figure out how to work her new label printing program and do a quick photo session. With all her recent troubles it would seem that Kitten is back and ready to prowl again on the big screen or on the video scene. She's healthy, in great shape, and has a personality that, forgive the cliché, can't be beat. We'll check in on her again next year to see what she's up to.
