Chris Beyond interviews Mr. T: Real American Superhero

Way back in the day (June 25th, 1993) I walked into Geoffrey's Comics in Torrance with a ratty sheet of paper covered with scribbled questions and the determination to interview the man who's name was T. Mr. T, that is. He was there to sign copies of his, then new, comic book called Mr. T and the T-Force; a gritty comic book where T led a group of street wise kids against pimps, pushers, and perps.

Little did I know that I would be walking into my own little bit of history as I made my way into the store via the line which led to the be-mohawked one. You see, about 4 years later or so after sitting on this interview which was originally intended for "The Shlümpf Newzletter" #4 (Shlümpf was one of the first bands that I did a lot of design work for back in the day and was led by contributing writer/occasionally interviewed Jim McCray), a friend of mine (Mr. Omar Lee of Six Volt Sunbeam) suggested that I turn it into Ben Is Dead Magazine and possibly do other interviews with them in the future. Transcribing the interview from microcassette by hand (I didn't have a printer for my computer), I mailed this interview to them along with a picture of me and Mr. T (I never got my original picture back!) and it sat around for another couple years until they finally printed it in Ben Is Dead #29 (The Comics Issue!).

As you can imagine, I was very happy that this finally got printed. Right away I started hearing from people who read the interview and loved it. I didn't even have my own copy of the issue yet (which I finally got a few copies of from Darby Romero, the very talented and cute editor of BID, but sadly she said that my picture with T must've gotten lost in the mail). I even got to do a dramatic reading of the interview with the talented Mr. Howard Hallis (as Mr. T) at the issue launch party at Golden Apple Comics. Life was swell. I had just moved to Hollywood, was doing No-Fi "Magazine" and had already gone Hollywood (as far as I was concerned).

In less than a year I was already living in Silverlake when I got an odd call from some lady at Harpers Magazine asking me where she could send me a check for an interview of mine that she was printing. It was, of course, the Mr. T interview popping up yet again. Darby had told me that she had found somebody else who wanted to reprint the interview. I would have never thought some huge magazine would want my innocent little interview between a recently broken-hearted boy and a cultural icon who wears 33 pounds of gold around his neck. Well they did.

Anyway, I think enough time has passed to dust off this silly lil' interview yet again. Although I was happy to have the interview printed, there were a few typos and a few things that were left out that carried through each of it's printings. This "printing" of the interview will be the most correct and complete version of the interview yet. I hope you enjoy it and I think it's a perfect way to help relaunch the new online edition of the magazine. So to start it all off... As you'll read, I was amazed at how incredibly charming he was.

C: Mr. T, can I get an interview?

T: Alright! Dig it! Dig it! We'll talk! You ask the questions and we'll rap. Dig it brother. Thanks for coming out to see me because I know there are a lotta things you could've done today. Ya'll could've went out chasing girls at the beach or you could have went and got a cool one, but, wow, you you decided to hang out with the T-Man! That's cool!

(Mr. directs me to join him behind the counter to conduct the rest of the interview next to him as he continues to sign autographs. He then high-fives a young child and offers to read his comic book to him if he needs help reading saying, "If you can't read, big brother'll read it to you". Not wanting to start the interview without first giving something of myself to him, I offer Mr. T a promo cassette from SHLÜMPF. He is taken aback by the photo on the cover.)

T: Hey! What's this mess here?!? You tell them I don't take this kind of mess here! I'll beat their BUTT! That's right! Ok, we're jammin'!

C: Have you ever been in a mosh pit before?

T: What's a mosh pit?

C: That's where people slam dance.

T: No, I don't go to places like that! I'm a respectable man!

C: What's your favorite food?

T: Chicken and rice!

C: Have you ever held a monkey?
(Mind you that this is the FIRST TIME that I ever asked this question!)

T: No, I have never held a monkey! I've seen a lot of monkeys, though!

C: Cool! You have a movie coming out called Hideous Mutant Freaks (later retitled "Freaked!"). How did you enjoy playing that role?... I guess you play a...

T: I play a bearded woman. And when they're paying money I enjoy it. It's honest money. Other people might say, "Yeah, Mr. T's a sissy playing that role!" I'm a RICH sissy! Ha-hah!

C: Do you have any other films coming out in the near future?

T: Nah, I'm putting all my energy into Mr. T and the T-Force. It'll be the hottest book in the land! I'm the only REAL superhero! Batman and Superman - They're not real! Superman wouldn't come to south central L.A., you know that? Batman wouldn't be caught dead there. They'd take his car!

C: Do you still keep in touch with the A-Team?

T: Nah!

C: Why not?

T: Look here! Who needs the A-Team when you got the T-Force? That's Mr. T and the T-Force! Don't forget it!

C: What was it like working with THE CHIPMUNKS?

T: That was groovy! Alvin was the greatest! And Simon was hilarious!

C: Do you still keep in touch with the kids from the Mr. T cartoon?

T: You better believe it! Especially my dog Dozier!

C: What kind of music do you listen to?

T: I like Bach and Beethovan...and...Tah...Cze...Cheskowskie!

C: What's your favorite group?

T: Frank Sinatra! A one man army!

C: Are there any plans for a Mr. T and the T-Force video game?

T: We got so many plans for Mr. T and the T-Force, I can't tell you right now! We just want the book to sell, sell, sell! It's positive reading. It's the stuff taking drugs out of the community!

C: What does "Yearg" mean?

(Mr. T looks at me, puzzled.)

C: It's a quote from your comic.

T: What does who?

C: "Yearg."

T: Who says that?!? Where?!? Show it to me! It must be a misprint...or it must be the artist taking liberties!!!

(I open the book to a page in which the T is yelling "Yearg!" while being hit by a stick. He continues to sign autographs.)

C: Here it is.

T: (Enraged) I DIDN'T SAY THAT!!! Whoa! Well, what do you expect when someone hits you in the back with a rod?!? "Yeeearg!!! (he pauses to sign another autograph) Don't worry, I didn't say that. The rest of the words I said. The artist said that!

C: Are there any plans for crossover comics...like with Robocop, Predator,...

T: Nah, nah, nah! Mr. T is gonna be versus the criminals. That's what the T stands for! For the women and children, the T stands for Tender. To the crooks and the thugs, the T is for Tough. So we're not gonna be fightin' no space aliens. I have no super power! I have no utility belt! I have no X-Ray vision! I'm just plain ol' Mr. T with ...wi...wi...

C: (I quickly flip through the comic's pages to a particular page) What about this drawing of you and a monster?!?

T: No! Those are my demons! Those demons are for the next issue! Those my demons! Them's demons attacking me.

C: Uh,... okay...

T: Your DREAMS! You have DREAMS!! Your DREAM nightmares!!!

C: Oh, I see... Are there any plans to release a "Mr. T sings" album?

T: Nah, nah, we did the album already in 1984. It was called "Mr. T's Commandment." It was on Soul Train and Solid Gold! So you're a little late.

C: Remember Rocky III when you...

T: OF COURSE I REMEMBER ROCKY III!!! That was greatest movie next to, uh, uh...King Of Kings!

C: Remember when you said to Adrianne that you'd show her a real man?

T: Yeah! Yeah! "You want to see a real man? I'll show you a real man!"

C: Did you show her?

T: No, she didn't come to my house! That was all the fun to get Rocky to fight me. When you're on the street and ya want to get a guy to fight, you talk about his girlfriend or his mama! If he don't fight then, he ain't got no fightin' in 'im!

C: Do you still talk to Hulk Hogan?

T: Yeah, every once in a while when he calls me up and NOT collect!

C: Would you ever do the tag team thing with him again?

T: Of course! I'll do anything for money! (slight pause)...Not anything! Some things!

C: Or would you rather wrestle against him?

T: I'll wrestle anyone if the price is right! Alright!

C: Do you have any kids?

T: Huh? No, I don't have any kids! I have two daughters! Kids come from goats! People have children! Human beings!

C: Do you force them to have the same haircut you do? (I get a stern look and backtrack sheepishly) I was asked to ask you that.

T: Whoever asked that is very stupid! I let my kids wear their hair the way they wanna to wear!! I get paid millions of dollars to wear my hair this way! That's right!

C: Have you always had this haircut?

T: No, I used to have a bald head. I used to have it natural for a while when all the black guys had it natural. White boys said we all look alike so I cut my hair this way so you won't get me mixed up with other black guys! Alright! Dig it!

C: If they ever had a Diff'rent Strokes reunion, would you want to be on it?

T: Only if they paid me! I won't do nuthin' without being paid! It takes money to shine this gold up, ya know what I mean?

C: Aren't you afraid of the Diff'rent Strokes curse?

T: Mr. T ain't afraid of nuthin'! I'm a Christian! I don't fear the living, the dead, or the unborn! I don't believe in curses!

C: Have you ever killed a man?

T: (uncomfortable pause) I beat the crap out of some guys who robbed my mother.

C: If somebody took away the thing that means the most to you, what would you do?

T: My mother means the most to me! My children mean the most to me! I... I don't know what I would do, but there'd be a lotta PAIN and a lot of BLOOD!

C: Are you ever in conflict with the good Mr. T and the bad Mr. T?

T: Every day! Sometimes the "good" Mr. T wants to slap people, but the "bad" Mr. T sez, Nah, don't slap him!"

C: Do you have any pets?

T: I got four dogs. One named Danger, one Pesticide, Suicide, and Genocide.

C: How about a Mr. T Street Fighter game?

T: Nah, nah!

C: What if they paid you money?

T: Oh, if they paid me money?!? (laughing) Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot! I forgot! I got excited! I forgot! They would have to pay me money! Money move me! But look... It's been fun,...but you got to run! Alright!

C: Hey, thanks a lot. Any last words?

T: I pity the fool.

Mr. T pities the fool. In our own way don't we ALL pity the fool? And with that I turned off the recorder and made my way back outside...oblivious to the shortfound writing fame in store for me. Strangely enough, I was never a Mr. T fan before the interview. All the random things I asked him were just weird things that I remembered from throughout my life. Instead of the pummeling I thought I might welcome with my "weirder" questions, he just played along and was charming throughout the entire interview.

Anyway, I hope that those of you who never got a chance to read this enjoyed it and that those of you who did were able to let Mr. T teach you how to learn how to love learning about how to love all over again.

The End Of T Interview!