NO-FI "MAGAZINE"
Phone-In Interview With
April 27th, 96, 1pm
SLUTS FOR HIRE have been a big part of "the scene" for quite awhile now and are hitting the big time with their new CD out on Flipside Records called "The Happiest Band On Earth." They will be on their national tour this month bringing their happiness all around the country.
C = Chris Beyond
K = Miss Koko Puff (Plays Guitar and Sings!)
A = Awful K'Nawful (Plays Guitar and Sings too!)
(Not present are Ringo Moon (drums/Vocals) and new member Bunni Hawp (bass)
C: So how is the new CD treating you?
K: It's treating me just fine.
A: I'm tickled.
K: Uh-huh.
C: What do you expect out of this CD?
K: I expect to be a millionare.
A: I expect a Cadillac and a Gretch.
K: Lots of 18 year old groupies!
C: Has there ever been a Saturday Night Live Skit you just didn't get?
K: I don't really watch Saturday Night Live.
A: Quite a few, but I couldn't name them. Either I got it or I didn't think it was very funny.
C: What do you think of the new cast?
K: I haven't watched the new cast.
A: Neither have I.
C: Well, you are just both sad.
K: We are not sad! We have lives! We go out on Saturday night!
C: Well, I guess I feel lame now.
K: No no no, we are not putting you down.
C: Is there a theme to your tour? Like the "Happy Joyride Tour 96"?
K: The tour is called "The Happiest Tour On Earth." It's all about getting the masses to listen to our music and having fun.
A: ...and to worship Satan.
C: List some of your favorite bands!
A: No!
K: We like BARBIE AND THE ROCKERS, JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS, XUXA, Rod Miller, and Rod Serling. He influenced me.
A: He has tasty licks!
C: If your life was a porno, what would it be called?
K: My life is a porno, actually.
A: So's mine! When we're not having sex, there is bad acting in between!
C: Which member of the Breakfast Club do you relate to?
A: The Alley Sheedy wacky chick!
K: Me too! Ringo would be Anthony Michael Hall.
A: Bunni Hawp would be Molly Ringwald.
C: Have any of you held a monkey?
(I tell them that I've asked Mr. T the same question. They are amazed!)
K: Mr. T was one of my rock influences too! Awful spanks the monkey!
A: We both spank the monkey!
K: Ringo spanks his monkey all the time.
C: What would you do if you knew the world was gonna' end in one day?
K: Fuck.
A: Fuck lots...just till the very very end, cuz' you wouldn't be able to stop.
C: You sure you're gonna be able to do that by 2 o'clock tomorrow?
(total silence)
C: Since this is the sexy issue of NO-FI magazine, where is the weirdest place that you've had whoopie?
K: The weirdest place I've had whoopie would have to be on a little boat that was about six feet long at Avalon at night on my 18th birthday. This guy and I were screwing and we got caught and then I put my dress on backwards and inside out.
A: In the backseat of a VW Bug in the Alpha Beta Parking Lot.
(They express Ringo's story which was on top of the Eifel Tower and Bunni
Hawp's was on Splash Mountain in Disneyland)
C: What's your favorite comic strip of all time.
K: I like Dagwood, Life In Hell, and The Far Side. I have a couple of those Life In Hell books.
C: What do you think of THE SEX PISTOL'S new tour?
K: I think it rocks!
C: Are you willing to pay $50.00 per ticket?!?
K: No! I'm getting free tickets! Me and Steve Jones go way back.
C: What's your favorite novelty item?
K: A vibrator! Maybe it's more of a neccesity than a novelty.
C: Well for you it's a neccesity to use and for others a neccesity to watch.
K: There you go.
A: Hmmmm? (He goes into a trance) Plastic! I suscribe to the plastic commercials.
K: We wouldn't have shopping carts without plastic!
C: Well, it's time to go, but what is your advice for the readers of NO-FI?
K: Get laid a lot and have fun, get drunk a lot, drinking lots of whiskey.
A: Same as Koko Puff and driving really fast on curvey roads while getting a blowjob.
C: Well, it's been a wacky interview but we got through it and Thank you!
(Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm...now thats one sexy band!)
1999 UPDATE: SLUTS FOR HIRE have recently broken up. You may see them in different bands or at toy conventions but not as SLUTS FOR HIRE anymore.
Chris Beyond
